![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 26 to 50 of 63. Go back in thread:
Posted by barbaracat on July 16, 2005, at 16:50:02
In reply to Bye for now, posted by Squiggles on July 16, 2005, at 14:53:39
Hope your life continues to unfold in joy and contentment. Come back for a visit every now and then. - Barbara
Posted by Sabino on July 18, 2005, at 7:59:09
In reply to Re: Raving ravens :-) » Squiggles, posted by barbaracat on July 16, 2005, at 13:32:33
>>Unlike you, I still get depressions, but they're manageable. I still get anxiety but considering some very anxiety provoking life situtations (husband out of work for 4 years, us living on my disability), it's manageable.
<< - BarbaraWow, now that's some serious stress. Having recently taken a couple of months off, and receiving only temporary disability, I can relate.
I recently closed on a house too (now there's a stressor), and just got internet service back again.
I recently quit Remeron and Effexor too. They were cognitive butt-kickers. Have gone back to a crumb of Paxil in the evening, with chipping away at Lithium during the day. I'm keeping my head above water.
Guess I was lucky, and did not get any horrible Effexor withdrawal, even after 2 months at mostly 150 mgs (a couple of weeks were at 225).
About the returning to work. Still don't know if I can make a go of that. I'm in IT, and we're changing over to a completely new system. I seem far less able to grasp new info than I used to.
I'm giving it a shot, but it's an iffy proposition.
If this isn't too personal, is the disability you receive permanent, or temporary? If I can no longer do my job, I may have to go that route myself.
You sound pretty good these days, in spite of your slump.
Cheers
Posted by barbaracat on July 18, 2005, at 16:08:21
In reply to Re: Raving ravens :-) » barbaracat, posted by Sabino on July 18, 2005, at 7:59:09
> >>I still get anxiety but considering some very anxiety provoking life situtations (husband out of work for 4 years, us living on my disability), it's manageable.
> << - Barbara
>
> Wow, now that's some serious stress. Having recently taken a couple of months off, and receiving only temporary disability, I can relate.**When I first got real sick with fibromyalgia and had to quit work, my husband's company folded and he hasn't had a steady job since. I used to lay there in complete terror, with plenty of time to think and no energy to distract, catastrophizing what would become of us. It caused massive huge fights between us as well because I KNOW he could be trying a whole lot harder to earn his keep. It's the biggest most contentious issue between us in an otherwise good marriage. As it is in most marriages.
I'd say the stress caused by money is the root of all evils. It brings up every fear, every hot button, every insecurity. But I've learned so much in these 4 years about realizing when there's nothing I can do and remembering that somehow the bills get paid. We're not yet out on the streets and I can honestly say that our 10 cats have kept us from chucking it quite a few times. It's a radical training in trust that there is a power, force, presence that will support us if we learn to allow it.
> I recently closed on a house too (now there's a stressor), and just got internet service back again.
**Congrats!! Having your own home feels like such a comfort - it did for me. You're not at the mercy of a landlord and it feels so much more stable. Plus, the tax writeoffs can be significant.
>
> I recently quit Remeron and Effexor too. They were cognitive butt-kickers. Have gone back to a crumb of Paxil in the evening, with chipping away at Lithium during the day. I'm keeping my head above water.**I recently tried Concerta because I've been suspecting for some time that I have comorbid ADD with the bipolar. I really did not like the feeling - more depressed. I think what I take to be ADD is actually just the distraction and stress that comes from good old stress. Besides, the last thing I want to do is add another med.
What I am going to do is go back down from 15mg to 8mg Cymbalta and INCREASE my lithium from 600 to 750mg. I believe more and more that lithium at just the right dose (I still maintain the 'therapeutic dose' is way too high) will turbocharge most ADs and keep things smooth but not duh! If Paxil works well for you, then keeping it at a real small dose and experimenting with your lithium should give you great results. I've heard of this being a very successful combo many times. I happen to really like Cymbalta, but only at very small doses. It gets weird the higher I go.
>
> Guess I was lucky, and did not get any horrible Effexor withdrawal, even after 2 months at mostly 150 mgs (a couple of weeks were at 225).***I've heard that lithium will help some of those nasty withdrawals. Plus, you got on Paxil pretty quickly so it's not like you're without. It you haven't tried L-Taurine, it's a good adjunct, smooths electrical membranes.
>
> About the returning to work. Still don't know if I can make a go of that. I'm in IT, and we're changing over to a completely new system. I seem far less able to grasp new info than I used to.**Yes, I was in IT also. I didn't mind programming (VB6) but would inevitably get promoted to a higherpaying but deadly for me project lead position. I liked the freedom and creativity of programming but the anal retentiveness and time management skills and multitasking of manageing projects I could give a rip about were the last thing I should have been doing. I could cope with it for a while but when my physical health and energy went when I developed fibro, my brain just frizzled. I could not go back to that corporate world full time if my soul depended on it. But it sure would be nice to find something else that makes money.
>
>
> If this isn't too personal, is the disability you receive permanent, or temporary? If I can no longer do my job, I may have to go that route myself.*No, not at all personal and glad to be of assistance. It sounds like you've already been on short term, 12-weeks full pay disability at and now you're back at work expected to be all cured. If you can't and aren't, and if you qualify for long-term disability, you're in luck. It generally lasts 2 years at 60%. This is through your company's disablity insurance and has nothing to do with Federal Social Security Disability, which you also would apply for and which would be happening concurrently. The montly premium is based on your lifetime earnings, what you've put into it (FICA taken out of your paycheck) and basically entitles you to receive SSI benefits early. Generally, you have to reimburse your long-term disability company with your SSI premiums, but when long term runs out, you still have SSI disability.
SSI takes about 2 years from the point of application and involves gettting records from health providers, supervisors saying you haven't been producing, and anything that will convince a judge that you can no longer work full time at that kind of job or any job beyond your capabilities. It's pretty daunting, so...
GET A GOOD DISABILITY LAWYER!!!! Start the search now and make an appoinment. They work on contingency and can collect no more than $5,000. Since benefits are retroactive, by the time you're finally awarded benefits, that $5,000 will be a drop in the bucket and will be best investment you ever made. Trust me on this. SSI makes the process excruciating to weed out slackers and Disability Lawyers earn every red cent. Basically, you see their doctors who say there's nothing wrong with you, you get turned down twice and then you appear before a judge who reviews the synopsis of your case your good lawyer has prepared. If you get stuck and can't find anyone, let me know.
I'm on SSI disability, waiting to go through my reevaluation (1-2 years after benefits are granted) to determine permanent disability, for which there are great perks including educational retraining.
My main disability was fibromyalgia with secondary bipolar disorder. It was the bipolar that clinched it for me. I was concerned that my records might get out and make reemployment difficult ('she's a nutcase!') but the details are not in the public record. Bipolar disorder is considered a very serious disability in SSI so if that's your disorder, then milk it, buddy. Start amassing reams of paperwork from doctors, get your friends and family to agree to write backup supporting evidence. Very Very IMportant: Even if you have a 'serious mental disorder', if you're considered stable due to meds, you're considered fit for work. The fact that you've been having some real problems stabilizing on meds, frequent changes, relapses is VERY VERY GOOD. Play this feature up and drill it into your pdocs head as well as your lawyers. Between now and the time you're approved, you don't want to be convincing the powers that be how zippy and swell you're doing with your new meds. You want your lawyer to represent you as disabled and this is most effectively done if he/she sees you as such.
There's a lot of footwork that you have to do and if you're even mildly considering it, get started with finding a good attorney now and get the process rolling. You'll also get very good advice on what employers can and can't do during this period and how you should cover your fanny in the meantime.
I have to say that it's difficult to live on, a fraction of what you're used to, and if you can keep your job but be provided accomodation under the ADA that would be a good thing. But who wants to be accomodated and known as 'bipolar' in the workplace? Better to just get a less demanding, less stressful job. Evenso, SSI disablity is a great comfort knowing it's in process should you need it when the time comes. - Barbara
>
**Still in a slump but if I can force myself to get outside it gives more energy. All I have to do is recall the abysmal nightmare of my life not too long ago (before lithium) and I'm able to appreciate this little dismal blip as being lightyears better. - Barbara>
>
>
>
Posted by Sabino on July 22, 2005, at 7:08:19
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and other Ravens:-) » Sabino, posted by barbaracat on July 18, 2005, at 16:08:21
Thanks Barbara. That was a great and informative post, and if I feel the need to go that route, well, I've printed it out for future reference.
Lithim update:
I'm still taking a puny dose of Paxil (probably like 2.5 mgs), and I chip at Li during the day, for a total of 200 mgs or so.
Li is a funny med. It acts sort of like a benzo, in that I'm way less socially tense when taking it, and it also seems to help my ADD like symptoms. And then... if I take too much Li, it is cognitively dulling, so for me, it's a matter of finding the right amount, and since I have a real fast metabolism, the chipping at it works better than taking a standard dose, and letting it do its thing for 6 hours. That never works for me. I burn through it too fast. A little bit every hour or so works better for me (not on the hour, or any sort of exact science, just when I feel like I'm getting a bit squirrely, I just take a bit more).
Anyway, it IS odd they way it sort of rallys my mental processes, and pulls in a bunch of disparate threads, and allows me to focus better: hence, kind of helps with the ADD symptoms.
It ain't a perfect solution, but it's definitely improved over a few weeks ago, when I was still on Effexor and Remeron. And by the way, when I took a couple of months off, and was on Eff and Rem, I gained a whopping 15 lbs. I'd never been fat in my life before that. I've since lost half of that back since quitting.
One more odd note on Li; when driving, one normally pays attention to the big picture, and not much to the peripheral stuff to the sides. I now find that I focus a lot on individual things that I'm passing a good deal. It's a little odd.
Posted by ed_uk on July 22, 2005, at 13:34:10
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » barbaracat, posted by Sabino on July 22, 2005, at 7:08:19
>A little bit every hour or so works better for me...
Perhaps you could try a controlled release lithium?
~Ed
Posted by Sabino on July 22, 2005, at 19:18:04
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » Sabino, posted by ed_uk on July 22, 2005, at 13:34:10
>>A little bit every hour or so works better for me...<<
>>>> Perhaps you could try a controlled release lithium?<<<<
Already doing that Ed. I just burn right through the stuff.
I've fairly well pleased with what Lithium is doing for me though, in spite of the frequent dosing. It really seems pretty multi-purpose. Like I said in the previous post, it acts as an anti-anxiety agent, has some AD like effects for me, and is sort of beneficial for ADD.
I'm not feeling on top of the world, but I'm feeling waaaay better than I was a few months ago.
Thanks for the suggestion though.
Posted by ed_uk on July 23, 2005, at 17:50:17
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update, posted by Sabino on July 22, 2005, at 19:18:04
Hello,
>Already doing that Ed. I just burn right through the stuff.
What brand are you on? It sounds very inconvenient to take it so often! Could you try a different brand?
~Ed
Posted by Sabino on July 23, 2005, at 18:53:14
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » Sabino, posted by ed_uk on July 23, 2005, at 17:50:17
>> What brand are you on? It sounds very inconvenient to take it so often! Could you try a different brand? << ~EdI have generic Lithium Carbonate ER (extended release) 300 mg tabs, that I cut in two and then chip away at.
It's really not just with Lithium or its extended release formula. I use up any med I take very quickly, which is probably why I never really had any success with ADs. I mean, it sucks to take an AD, go up, and then crash all in the space of 5 or 6 hours. Such is my metabolism though. The good part is that until I combined Effexor with Remeron, I never really gained weight, despite eating like a teenager.
Posted by ed_uk on July 24, 2005, at 4:26:54
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » ed_uk, posted by Sabino on July 23, 2005, at 18:53:14
Hi!
>The good part is that until I combined Effexor with Remeron, I never really gained weight, despite eating like a teenager.
:-)
~Ed
Posted by rod on July 25, 2005, at 6:10:09
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » barbaracat, posted by Sabino on July 22, 2005, at 7:08:19
HiHO Sabino
>for a total of 200 mgs or so.
me too!
> Li is a funny med. It acts sort of like a benzo, in that I'm way less socially tense when taking it, and it also seems to help my ADD like symptoms.
exactly. Its anxiolytic and improves attention..!
>And then... if I take too much Li, it is cognitively dulling, so for me, it's a matter of finding the right amount
hmm I didnt go higher yet, but I have found out if I take it in the morning, it is somewhat dulling. But if I take it about around 18:00 its fine... and gives an overall better effect.
> One more odd note on Li; when driving, one normally pays attention to the big picture, and not much to the peripheral stuff to the sides. I now find that I focus a lot on individual things that I'm passing a good deal. It's a little odd.
hehe same here...
bye
Roland
Posted by barbaracat on July 25, 2005, at 12:30:34
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » Sabino, posted by rod on July 25, 2005, at 6:10:09
I raised Li from 600 to 750mg a week ago and haven't noticed too much of a difference except my ongoing anxiety is a little lessened. However, one good unexpected side effect is that in raising it, I've committed to getting more exercise because I know from experience how Li affects weight gain. So I'm pushing myself to get out and walk for an hour every day, and as we all know, that's the best antidepressant going. It's just so difficult to motivate.
Sabino, if you're chipping off Lithium every hour or so, which sounds like a major pain, you might get better response with a non-extended release form. As soon as you cut into and breach the extended release mechanism, the med will get dumped into your bloodstream much faster and shorter duration than just the regular form. It would be like sucking on little pieces of candy that explode rather than melt in your mouth.
I have problems metabolizing many meds and try to go around the oral route if at all possible. I suspect many bipolars have tweaky metabolic systems. So many other issues play into it as well such as the state of your digestive system.
As an extreme example, I take daily shots of human growth hormone for fibromyalgia but don't mind it one bit. If I could get all my meds in injectable form I'd go for it in a heartbeat cause I know I'd be getting them. But not everyone is happy with the thought of needles. I also use sublingual drops and creams for other meds wherever available.
It might be worth talking to a compounding pharmacy about putting it into other delivery systems besides oral/digestive. You might find sublingual drops, transdermal creams, long release patches and such a better bet. Perhaps if it bypasses the liver and digestive system it would have a better chance for bioavailability. If you're having problems like this with other meds, you can get them combined into an alternate delivery system.
Women's International Pharmacy is one of the oldest and most comprehensive around. They work with men and women and their pharmacy staff is very helpful and willing to brainstorm with you. Their number is 800-279-5708.
- Barbara
Posted by KaraS on July 25, 2005, at 15:35:07
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and other Ravens:-) » Sabino, posted by barbaracat on July 18, 2005, at 16:08:21
>>My main disability was fibromyalgia with secondary bipolar disorder. It was the bipolar that clinched it for me. I was concerned that my records might get out and make reemployment difficult ('she's a nutcase!') but the details are not in the public record.
Hi barbaracat,Do you mind if I ask you more about the records of SSI. If I were to look for work and I had been on SSI, could a potential employer easily find that out? I understand from what you're saying above that they couldn't find out the details of a person's condition, but could they find out that I had been on SSI at all?
The fear of that information being available is one of the things that has kept me from applying (aside from having so little motivation in general and aside from not wanting to entertain the notion that I won't be well and able to work soon). Yet I haven't worked for almost 3 years now. I've even been afraid to apply for the short-term general relief for fear that a future potential employer might be able to find that out and make things even harder for me to return to the work world.
(Please forgive me if any of these questions are redundant as I haven't read the entire thread.)Thanks,
KaraP.S. 10 cats? Wow! I have two and between their medical bills and their chewing up my electrical cords, they really take require a lot of money (of course they're worth every penny of it).
Posted by barbaracat on July 25, 2005, at 16:50:54
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and other Ravens:-) » barbaracat, posted by KaraS on July 25, 2005, at 15:35:07
Oh, poor you, having to go through this - someone who definitely deserves aid but is allowing these paranoid times make life even more difficult.
I imagine an employer could dig out the fact that you were on SSI but the info is definitely not easy to get at, even for yourself. Just try to order a transcript of your SSI history for your own records and realize the hassle you have to go through. Plus, it takes quite a few weeks to receive the report and once it's received, the only information on there is how much you made that year and contributed to SSI.
Employers these days are very busy people and their HR deparments are busy enough tracking down (in descending order of frequency) references & past employment history, education & licenses, drug test results, criminal background checks, in other words relevant employment history.
I've gotten a number of documents verifying that I'm on SSI and there is no mention at all the reason why. When I called the main office, all they had was the basic info, dates, amounts. No reasons. So if it ever comes to light you could conceivably say anything you want. A friend of mine says she contracted nerve damage through an allergy to a pesticide. Another said she had terrible migraines. I say fibromyalgia. Of course, all of us are bipolar, but no future employer is ever going to get wind of that.
Your medical records, government and financial info are not handed to them on a silver platter just because you're applying for a job. Even though you have to hand over your SSI number, they have to go through alot of governmental beaurocracy to get the info - even if they knew where your records were located. Most HR protocol does the minimum in background checks because it's time consuming and expensive.
Only if an employee starts acting suspicious will they go through the considerable effort to dig deeper.
I think it's very appropriate to be concerned with how our privacy is being erroded in general, but I wouldn't let this particular issue stop you from getting the aid that you not only deserve, but you also paid for. - BarbaraCat
p.s. My cats are the delight of my and my husband's hearts. They bring such joy and humor into our lives - and dirt into our house! Disability sure doesn't pay for their vet bills, but they're pretty considerate and stay healthy.
The only time it was intense was a few years ago when my Mom suddenly died, our oldest cat was dying, an abandoned cat showed up at the house, it was winter, and all of us, cats and humans, were all going absolutely wildly bonkers - yowling, hissing, wailing non-stop. It was wild, but mainly it's pretty mellow, even with 10. And lately a Mom raccoon and 4 little babies have joined the herd. They're hanging out on the porch at this moment - with 2 of the cats hanging out with them.
> >>My main disability was fibromyalgia with secondary bipolar disorder. It was the bipolar that clinched it for me. I was concerned that my records might get out and make reemployment difficult ('she's a nutcase!') but the details are not in the public record.
>
>
> Hi barbaracat,
>
> Do you mind if I ask you more about the records of SSI. If I were to look for work and I had been on SSI, could a potential employer easily find that out? I understand from what you're saying above that they couldn't find out the details of a person's condition, but could they find out that I had been on SSI at all?
>
> The fear of that information being available is one of the things that has kept me from applying (aside from having so little motivation in general and aside from not wanting to entertain the notion that I won't be well and able to work soon). Yet I haven't worked for almost 3 years now. I've even been afraid to apply for the short-term general relief for fear that a future potential employer might be able to find that out and make things even harder for me to return to the work world.
>
> (Please forgive me if any of these questions are redundant as I haven't read the entire thread.)
>
> Thanks,
> Kara
>
> P.S. 10 cats? Wow! I have two and between their medical bills and their chewing up my electrical cords, they really take require a lot of money (of course they're worth every penny of it).
>
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 25, 2005, at 23:31:00
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and other Ravens:-) » KaraS, posted by barbaracat on July 25, 2005, at 16:50:54
> I imagine an employer could dig out the fact that you were on SSI but the info is definitely not easy to get at, even for yourself...
Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect follow-ups regarding SSI to Psycho-Babble Social. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050719/msgs/533556.html
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Sabino on July 29, 2005, at 19:59:00
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » Sabino, posted by rod on July 25, 2005, at 6:10:09
Hi Rod and Barbara. Sorry I haven't responded to your posts earlier. I really haven't been logging in that much lately.
Hope you both are well. I'm still pleased with Li. Still experimenting with the amount I want to take too.
I do find that I laugh a lot more than I used to before starting Li, so that's definitely a good thing. And I haven't even been close to feeling well enough for a relationship in a number of years, but well, who knows on that front if this improvement holds up. All in all, I feel as close to normal as I have in many a year.
Not saying every day's a laughfest, just that things seem to be improved pretty much.
My concentration could use some improving, but at least I don't feel like killing myself every day.
Posted by barbaracat on July 30, 2005, at 14:51:52
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » rod, posted by Sabino on July 29, 2005, at 19:59:00
Hi Sabino,
Glad you're responding so well to Li!. I increased from 600 to 750mg and it was a good decision. I feel more calm and it's kept my micro dose of Cymbalta stable at 8mg. It was starting to creep up because I was feeling some stress and depression creeping in and as I raised the Cym I was feeling worse, as a good bipolar would. So I figured, lower the Cym and raise the Li and it worked. I have noticed a bit a weight gain - rats - but it's good incentive to move the bod.About concentration. I have a suggestion that might work. I was also feeling dulled and dumb and realized I hadn'et been taking my normal neuro nutrients that have all the cholines in them. Got some more and once again I feel much more cognitively sharp.
The ones I get are Neuro Optimizer by Jarrow. Not cheap but worth it. I get them through www.iherb.com which has great prices. This brand has all the cholines you'll need to optimize brain's acetylcholine stores. This one gets the BCat Seal of Approval (appropriate seal barking noises here). - Barbara
> Hi Rod and Barbara. Sorry I haven't responded to your posts earlier. I really haven't been logging in that much lately.
>
> Hope you both are well. I'm still pleased with Li. Still experimenting with the amount I want to take too.
>
> I do find that I laugh a lot more than I used to before starting Li, so that's definitely a good thing. And I haven't even been close to feeling well enough for a relationship in a number of years, but well, who knows on that front if this improvement holds up. All in all, I feel as close to normal as I have in many a year.
>
> Not saying every day's a laughfest, just that things seem to be improved pretty much.
>
> My concentration could use some improving, but at least I don't feel like killing myself every day.
Posted by Sabino on August 1, 2005, at 17:00:58
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » Sabino, posted by barbaracat on July 30, 2005, at 14:51:52
Hey BCat,
Thanks for the heads up on the Neuro Optimizer. Will definitely check into that. Been feeling like I've got a room temperature IQ, and oh lord, it's chilly in here.
Actually, speaking of cognition, work has really been problematic (programming, etc). In fact, I'm really wondering whether I can continue that. Seems I'm getting behinder and behinder. At a certain point, the humiliation factor comes into play. Still, the only thing I know how to do is program, and... hmmm. Turning into another whinefest. I actually left work today to avoid a meeting (my utter lack of progress would have been exposed).
May well have to follow your much appreciated advice on the SSI stuff. Trust me, I'm no malingerer. Just can't muster up sufficient concentration this last half year. The thing is, I used to be proud of my coding abilities. Now, I feel incompetent. Not a good feeling, and that's why I'm contemplating not continuing that. I just feel like I've accomplished precious little the past few weeks. I don't know what to do.
I'm glad you're feeling better with the increased Li and decreased Cym. I think I'm up to around 400 mgs of Li, and around 2.5 of Paxil daily.
Posted by barbaracat on August 1, 2005, at 21:55:55
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » barbaracat, posted by Sabino on August 1, 2005, at 17:00:58
Have you noticed this cognition thing since the Li or did it come on with the other symptoms? When I had to go on disability I was at a total block with my work. Couldn't conentrate, stressing from getting behinder, brain freeze and very emotional. I'd end up silently crying in my cube at least once a week. It was from total burnout mentally and physically.
But I know what you mean about not knowing what else to do. At this point I'd love to go back to a job I like that's lucrative because I feel I'm at a good place, but I DON'T want to go back to that world. Anything else requires years of training. It feels like a Catch-22 because if I go back to that stress I'll end up where I was. What I'd strongly recommend you do is look into your company's long-term disability rather than depending on the long-haul of SSI. You can get both, but your company's policy would start right away and give you 60% of your salary. You're required to apply for SSI anyway cause they'll want to get reimbursed from it. But see a lawyer. It won't cost you anything. and WARNING, if your company's long term insurer is Unum, watch out. They're slimy scum sucking dogs who recently got sued for bad practice.
Barbara
> Hey BCat,
>
> Thanks for the heads up on the Neuro Optimizer. Will definitely check into that. Been feeling like I've got a room temperature IQ, and oh lord, it's chilly in here.
>
> Actually, speaking of cognition, work has really been problematic (programming, etc). In fact, I'm really wondering whether I can continue that. Seems I'm getting behinder and behinder. At a certain point, the humiliation factor comes into play. Still, the only thing I know how to do is program, and... hmmm. Turning into another whinefest. I actually left work today to avoid a meeting (my utter lack of progress would have been exposed).
>
> May well have to follow your much appreciated advice on the SSI stuff. Trust me, I'm no malingerer. Just can't muster up sufficient concentration this last half year. The thing is, I used to be proud of my coding abilities. Now, I feel incompetent. Not a good feeling, and that's why I'm contemplating not continuing that. I just feel like I've accomplished precious little the past few weeks. I don't know what to do.
>
> I'm glad you're feeling better with the increased Li and decreased Cym. I think I'm up to around 400 mgs of Li, and around 2.5 of Paxil daily.
>
>
Posted by Sabino on August 4, 2005, at 9:13:53
In reply to Re: Raving SSI and Li update » Sabino, posted by barbaracat on August 1, 2005, at 21:55:55
Thanks yet again, Barbara. I've had memory attentional issues for years. Now throw concentration in to the mix, and all have worsened significantly the last couple of years.
My company does indeed have a long term disasbility (not through Unum... I believe it's called the Standard Insurance). Anyway, I will go that route first. I think they pay 60% of your salary for up to two years. Pretty darned good. I ought to qualify, as my issues are real and there's reams of documentation between my pdoc and PCP before him.
I completely relate to what you experienced at work. Couldn't concentrate, and then spiraled into worrying/stressing about the fact that I wasn't accomplishing anything.
I am now not working again as of yesterday. I emailed an attorney last night. Don't know how this'll all end, but I flat out cannot perform the tasks that my job required of me.
Now, back to the Li discussion... I'm up to around 450mgs a day now.
Barb, thanks ever so much for all the useful information.
> Have you noticed this cognition thing since the Li or did it come on with the other symptoms? When I had to go on disability I was at a total block with my work. Couldn't conentrate, stressing from getting behinder, brain freeze and very emotional. I'd end up silently crying in my cube at least once a week. It was from total burnout mentally and physically.
>
> But I know what you mean about not knowing what else to do. At this point I'd love to go back to a job I like that's lucrative because I feel I'm at a good place, but I DON'T want to go back to that world. Anything else requires years of training. It feels like a Catch-22 because if I go back to that stress I'll end up where I was. What I'd strongly recommend you do is look into your company's long-term disability rather than depending on the long-haul of SSI. You can get both, but your company's policy would start right away and give you 60% of your salary. You're required to apply for SSI anyway cause they'll want to get reimbursed from it. But see a lawyer. It won't cost you anything. and WARNING, if your company's long term insurer is Unum, watch out. They're slimy scum sucking dogs who recently got sued for bad practice.
>
> Barbara
>
>
> > Hey BCat,
> >
> > Thanks for the heads up on the Neuro Optimizer. Will definitely check into that. Been feeling like I've got a room temperature IQ, and oh lord, it's chilly in here.
> >
> > Actually, speaking of cognition, work has really been problematic (programming, etc). In fact, I'm really wondering whether I can continue that. Seems I'm getting behinder and behinder. At a certain point, the humiliation factor comes into play. Still, the only thing I know how to do is program, and... hmmm. Turning into another whinefest. I actually left work today to avoid a meeting (my utter lack of progress would have been exposed).
> >
> > May well have to follow your much appreciated advice on the SSI stuff. Trust me, I'm no malingerer. Just can't muster up sufficient concentration this last half year. The thing is, I used to be proud of my coding abilities. Now, I feel incompetent. Not a good feeling, and that's why I'm contemplating not continuing that. I just feel like I've accomplished precious little the past few weeks. I don't know what to do.
> >
> > I'm glad you're feeling better with the increased Li and decreased Cym. I think I'm up to around 400 mgs of Li, and around 2.5 of Paxil daily.
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by barbaracat on August 4, 2005, at 11:36:01
In reply to Sabino » barbaracat, posted by Sabino on August 4, 2005, at 9:13:53
Sabino,
Try those Neuro Optimizers. They really help big time with cognition. As I mentioned, I felt a bit of dulling with my recent lithium increase and taking them helped.One more thing about long term disability. Make sure you get a copy of the requirements from your HR dept. I did not qualify because I went out on disability 1 week too soon. I knew they had a one year waiting period, but I didn't know the year didn't officially start until I'd been there 6 months. My leave started one week shy of being there 1-1/2 years and I was disqualified. But that's Unum. It would have been nice to have those two years of 60% instead of nothing while I was waiting to be approve for SSI. So check the fine print and talk to an HR person and lawyer before signing anything. Money problems are stressful too.
Good luck, my friend. It's a big step towards healing when you don't have the project deadline dragons breathing down your neck. - Barbara
> Thanks yet again, Barbara. I've had memory attentional issues for years. Now throw concentration in to the mix, and all have worsened significantly the last couple of years.
>
> My company does indeed have a long term disasbility (not through Unum... I believe it's called the Standard Insurance). Anyway, I will go that route first. I think they pay 60% of your salary for up to two years. Pretty darned good. I ought to qualify, as my issues are real and there's reams of documentation between my pdoc and PCP before him.
>
> I completely relate to what you experienced at work. Couldn't concentrate, and then spiraled into worrying/stressing about the fact that I wasn't accomplishing anything.
>
> I am now not working again as of yesterday. I emailed an attorney last night. Don't know how this'll all end, but I flat out cannot perform the tasks that my job required of me.
>
> Now, back to the Li discussion... I'm up to around 450mgs a day now.
>
> Barb, thanks ever so much for all the useful information.
>
> > Have you noticed this cognition thing since the Li or did it come on with the other symptoms? When I had to go on disability I was at a total block with my work. Couldn't conentrate, stressing from getting behinder, brain freeze and very emotional. I'd end up silently crying in my cube at least once a week. It was from total burnout mentally and physically.
> >
> > But I know what you mean about not knowing what else to do. At this point I'd love to go back to a job I like that's lucrative because I feel I'm at a good place, but I DON'T want to go back to that world. Anything else requires years of training. It feels like a Catch-22 because if I go back to that stress I'll end up where I was. What I'd strongly recommend you do is look into your company's long-term disability rather than depending on the long-haul of SSI. You can get both, but your company's policy would start right away and give you 60% of your salary. You're required to apply for SSI anyway cause they'll want to get reimbursed from it. But see a lawyer. It won't cost you anything. and WARNING, if your company's long term insurer is Unum, watch out. They're slimy scum sucking dogs who recently got sued for bad practice.
> >
> > Barbara
> >
> >
> > > Hey BCat,
> > >
> > > Thanks for the heads up on the Neuro Optimizer. Will definitely check into that. Been feeling like I've got a room temperature IQ, and oh lord, it's chilly in here.
> > >
> > > Actually, speaking of cognition, work has really been problematic (programming, etc). In fact, I'm really wondering whether I can continue that. Seems I'm getting behinder and behinder. At a certain point, the humiliation factor comes into play. Still, the only thing I know how to do is program, and... hmmm. Turning into another whinefest. I actually left work today to avoid a meeting (my utter lack of progress would have been exposed).
> > >
> > > May well have to follow your much appreciated advice on the SSI stuff. Trust me, I'm no malingerer. Just can't muster up sufficient concentration this last half year. The thing is, I used to be proud of my coding abilities. Now, I feel incompetent. Not a good feeling, and that's why I'm contemplating not continuing that. I just feel like I've accomplished precious little the past few weeks. I don't know what to do.
> > >
> > > I'm glad you're feeling better with the increased Li and decreased Cym. I think I'm up to around 400 mgs of Li, and around 2.5 of Paxil daily.
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by Sabino on August 10, 2005, at 19:50:35
In reply to Re: Lithium etc. » Sabino, posted by barbaracat on August 4, 2005, at 11:36:01
Hi again. Bought the Neuro Optimizers, and I don't mind telling you, I am now The Smartest Man Alive!
Maybe a little overkill, but I do like them too.
My newest addition is Lamictal (currently 25mgs for the first two weeks; then 50, 100).
What I've noticed so far is that I feel MORE depressed. Can Lam do that at first, and then get better. I'm hoping that's the case. I've read that Lam is a bit more activating, and that it has decent AD properties.
Anyway, can anybody say that it worsens depression at first and then improves it?
Another issue: I thought it was a good idea to increase my life insurance policy, and the girl at the insurance agency didn't even ask about mental health issues, but when I had the screening later, they asked, and once I opened that Pandora's box, I tried to minimize what I've gone through, but gave them enough red meat, that I'm sure they'll find out I put lipstick on that pig.
There's no chance they'll approve the policy. Oh well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's where I'm at; added Lamictal, and I'm not liking the feeling so far. Sometimes a guy just feeled doomed.
> Sabino,
> Try those Neuro Optimizers. They really help big time with cognition. As I mentioned, I felt a bit of dulling with my recent lithium increase and taking them helped.
>
> One more thing about long term disability. Make sure you get a copy of the requirements from your HR dept. I did not qualify because I went out on disability 1 week too soon. I knew they had a one year waiting period, but I didn't know the year didn't officially start until I'd been there 6 months. My leave started one week shy of being there 1-1/2 years and I was disqualified. But that's Unum. It would have been nice to have those two years of 60% instead of nothing while I was waiting to be approve for SSI. So check the fine print and talk to an HR person and lawyer before signing anything. Money problems are stressful too.
>
> Good luck, my friend. It's a big step towards healing when you don't have the project deadline dragons breathing down your neck. - Barbara
>
>
> > Thanks yet again, Barbara. I've had memory attentional issues for years. Now throw concentration in to the mix, and all have worsened significantly the last couple of years.
> >
> > My company does indeed have a long term disasbility (not through Unum... I believe it's called the Standard Insurance). Anyway, I will go that route first. I think they pay 60% of your salary for up to two years. Pretty darned good. I ought to qualify, as my issues are real and there's reams of documentation between my pdoc and PCP before him.
> >
> > I completely relate to what you experienced at work. Couldn't concentrate, and then spiraled into worrying/stressing about the fact that I wasn't accomplishing anything.
> >
> > I am now not working again as of yesterday. I emailed an attorney last night. Don't know how this'll all end, but I flat out cannot perform the tasks that my job required of me.
> >
> > Now, back to the Li discussion... I'm up to around 450mgs a day now.
> >
> > Barb, thanks ever so much for all the useful information.
> >
> > > Have you noticed this cognition thing since the Li or did it come on with the other symptoms? When I had to go on disability I was at a total block with my work. Couldn't conentrate, stressing from getting behinder, brain freeze and very emotional. I'd end up silently crying in my cube at least once a week. It was from total burnout mentally and physically.
> > >
> > > But I know what you mean about not knowing what else to do. At this point I'd love to go back to a job I like that's lucrative because I feel I'm at a good place, but I DON'T want to go back to that world. Anything else requires years of training. It feels like a Catch-22 because if I go back to that stress I'll end up where I was. What I'd strongly recommend you do is look into your company's long-term disability rather than depending on the long-haul of SSI. You can get both, but your company's policy would start right away and give you 60% of your salary. You're required to apply for SSI anyway cause they'll want to get reimbursed from it. But see a lawyer. It won't cost you anything. and WARNING, if your company's long term insurer is Unum, watch out. They're slimy scum sucking dogs who recently got sued for bad practice.
> > >
> > > Barbara
> > >
> > >
> > > > Hey BCat,
> > > >
> > > > Thanks for the heads up on the Neuro Optimizer. Will definitely check into that. Been feeling like I've got a room temperature IQ, and oh lord, it's chilly in here.
> > > >
> > > > Actually, speaking of cognition, work has really been problematic (programming, etc). In fact, I'm really wondering whether I can continue that. Seems I'm getting behinder and behinder. At a certain point, the humiliation factor comes into play. Still, the only thing I know how to do is program, and... hmmm. Turning into another whinefest. I actually left work today to avoid a meeting (my utter lack of progress would have been exposed).
> > > >
> > > > May well have to follow your much appreciated advice on the SSI stuff. Trust me, I'm no malingerer. Just can't muster up sufficient concentration this last half year. The thing is, I used to be proud of my coding abilities. Now, I feel incompetent. Not a good feeling, and that's why I'm contemplating not continuing that. I just feel like I've accomplished precious little the past few weeks. I don't know what to do.
> > > >
> > > > I'm glad you're feeling better with the increased Li and decreased Cym. I think I'm up to around 400 mgs of Li, and around 2.5 of Paxil daily.
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by Squiggles on August 10, 2005, at 20:01:38
In reply to Too little Lithium vs. just enough? experiences, posted by barbaracat on July 13, 2005, at 16:34:05
It doesn't matter how you feel -
your doctor will decide whether
the symptoms you report are worth
changing your treatment. Doctors
can be like deities; stick to their
advice, be honest, show respect
and don't be a smart-*ss (like me)
and you will fare well;Squiggles
Posted by Sabino on August 11, 2005, at 7:30:19
In reply to Re: Too little Lithium vs. just enough? experience, posted by Squiggles on August 10, 2005, at 20:01:38
Well, I think it DOES matter how I feel. In fact, my whole relationship with the doc is all about how I feel. If I were taking a med that made me feel like garbage, and the doc just wanted to keep raising the dose, clearly we'd not be on the same page. I'm willing to ride out some side effects for a reasonable period of time, but there comes a time where you throw in the towel on a given med.
Not saying I'm at that point with Lamictal; I just started it. What I think I'll do is try taking it at night instead of daytime.
I do respect my doctor. I respect his training, and his experience, but would not hesitate to fire him if he had one of those god complexes you speak of.
I want somebody who feels like it DOES matter how I feel, and actually listens when I relate how a drug is effecting me. I'm fortunate that I have such a doc right now.
> It doesn't matter how you feel -
> your doctor will decide whether
> the symptoms you report are worth
> changing your treatment. Doctors
> can be like deities; stick to their
> advice, be honest, show respect
> and don't be a smart-*ss (like me)
> and you will fare well;
>
> Squiggles
>
Posted by Squiggles on August 11, 2005, at 8:04:58
In reply to Lithium and Lamictal » Squiggles, posted by Sabino on August 11, 2005, at 7:30:19
Good luck ith the Lamictal -- you
are right of course, there should
be good communication beteen you and
your doctor. I just don't see a
necessary connection beteen ho you
feel and that one dr. can do something
different from another necessarily -
and the search could be endless.As for firing your dr., maybe it's
a Canadian thing, but barring gross
negligence, i find it unconscionable -
just my quirk.sorry about the doubleuus' my keyboard
is going.Squiggles
Posted by Sabino on August 11, 2005, at 11:10:22
In reply to Re: Lithium and Lamictal, posted by Squiggles on August 11, 2005, at 8:04:58
Hi Squiggles,
I did not mean to sound confrontational in my previous post.
As to sticking with a doctor with whom you have no rapport, and that you feel is intransigent in their approach, I see no problem at all with discontinuing the business relationship, and certainly don't find it unconscionable. I'm a consumer, and I'm paying good money for his/her services. I do believe that different pdocs have different approaches.
I happen to like mine right now, and am in no way displeased with him, just talking hypothetically.
To me, someone doesn't have to be grossly negligent for me to sever our ties. I don't put these guys on some sort of pedestal.
If the guy that mows my lawn does a decent job of it, but is in some manner rude, I'm gonna get a different landscape guy. Same with pdocs. I wouldn't break ties on a whim, but if (and this is not the case) our visits were unpleasant, and far more importantly, if he kept barking up the wrong tree, again and again, in terms of med choices, in spite of me telling him that the stuff wasn't working, I'd have no choice but to seek help elsewhere.
To each his own though. Perhaps our approaches to care are entirely different in that as you stated, you are Canadian, and that is nationalized, yes?
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