![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 35. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 22:59:44
It's simple really. On antidepressants or anticonvulsants I don't fully realize how badly my life sucks. So I just deal with it in a relatively effective, albeit deeply bored way. When I am off, the horror strikes me. Right now I am on Wellbutrin but it's not a normal AD. Anyway. I don't want to numb myself to make my horrible life seem OK. So now what? When I am off, like right now, everything seems so hopeless. I don't want to be a zombie but I don't want to kill myself either. I don't know what to do. I just want to be myself and feel both alive and happy at the same time. Is this even possible? I'm so depressed. I feel like I did last year before I tried to kill myself. But things are OK. I get along great with my co-workers. I think I could even be friends with them and it is so hard for me to make friends but I can't do it. I'm too scared to be intrusive or something like that. It's all so f****d-up. Why do I bother? I just want to be happy but it's so hard.
Posted by jojo on August 2, 2001, at 23:16:18
In reply to I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 22:59:44
> It's simple really. On antidepressants or anticonvulsants I don't fully realize how badly my life sucks. So I just deal with it in a relatively effective, albeit deeply bored way. When I am off, the horror strikes me. Right now I am on Wellbutrin but it's not a normal AD. Anyway. I don't want to numb myself to make my horrible life seem OK. So now what? When I am off, like right now, everything seems so hopeless. I don't want to be a zombie but I don't want to kill myself either. I don't know what to do. I just want to be myself and feel both alive and happy at the same time. Is this even possible? I'm so depressed. I feel like I did last year before I tried to kill myself. But things are OK. I get along great with my co-workers. I think I could even be friends with them and it is so hard for me to make friends but I can't do it. I'm too scared to be intrusive or something like that. It's all so f****d-up. Why do I bother? I just want to be happy but it's so hard.
"Right now I am on Wellbutrin but it's not a normal AD"
What is a normal AD?
If you list what you've tried, I'm sure that you'll get many suggestions, a few of which might actually help.
This isn't the time to quite. Lots of advances are on their way. Do one day at a time.jojo
Posted by Jady on August 2, 2001, at 23:20:38
In reply to I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 22:59:44
Else, I just started posting today. I wish I have a nickle for every time I felt just like you do right now. I just never seem to get a handle on things, and sometimes I feel like I go months with only hassles, fires to stamp out, bad news and any other number of negative things. I wake up and think if I just stay in bed at least it can't get worse. Today I'm not feeling that way. But my son left the house as soon as he saw I got a bill which indicated my last payment somehow wasn't received. Some days I can deal, but others this type of thing sends me off the deep end, drowning in self hatred. Some people are just always freaking happy! Usually I figure they're just too stupid to know how screwed up everything is. Or that I'm just a cursed, damaged loser. But then again, I'm afraid to be happy just because of meds. Doesn't that mean I'm just too medicated to see how screwed up everything is?
Posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 23:51:27
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this » Else, posted by jojo on August 2, 2001, at 23:16:18
> > It's simple really. On antidepressants or anticonvulsants I don't fully realize how badly my life sucks. So I just deal with it in a relatively effective, albeit deeply bored way. When I am off, the horror strikes me. Right now I am on Wellbutrin but it's not a normal AD. Anyway. I don't want to numb myself to make my horrible life seem OK. So now what? When I am off, like right now, everything seems so hopeless. I don't want to be a zombie but I don't want to kill myself either. I don't know what to do. I just want to be myself and feel both alive and happy at the same time. Is this even possible? I'm so depressed. I feel like I did last year before I tried to kill myself. But things are OK. I get along great with my co-workers. I think I could even be friends with them and it is so hard for me to make friends but I can't do it. I'm too scared to be intrusive or something like that. It's all so f****d-up. Why do I bother? I just want to be happy but it's so hard.
>
> "Right now I am on Wellbutrin but it's not a normal AD"What is a normal AD?
A normal AD is one that kills any drive you might have like SSRIs or TCAs. ADs that make you not care in any way. Wellbutrin is not like that in my opinion. It doesn't generate apathy.
> If you list what you've tried, I'm sure that you'll get many suggestions, a few of which might actually help.WHAT I HAVE TRIED:
Prozac
Xanax
Zoloft
Klonopin
Effexor
Desyrel
Wellbutrin
Parnate
Valium
Lectopam
Serax
Depakote
Neurontin
Ativan
Elavil
Cocaine
Methamphetamine
Alcohol
EcstasyI mention illegal drugs because I consider this self medicating. I would say Zoloft, Effexor, Depakote and Neurontin were pretty useless. Benzos have helped but not solved the problem in any way.Parnate was great but of course my doc says I can't have it. Elavil is a bit different, I used it in a suicide attempt and felt great afterwards (perhaps hypomanic, I don't know). I don't know what its *normal* effect is. Cocaine worked short-lived miracles (and the price to pay was very high). Speed was OK. Ecstasy did nothing. I get panic attacks on pot. I hate marijuana.
> This isn't the time to quite. Lots of advances are on their way. Do one day at a time.
>
> jojo
I don't want to quit but I feel like I've lost all my youth to this... mess. I'm 26 now. My teenage years were disastrous. I don't want to go on another 25 years like this. I am not afraid of death at all but I don't wan't it to come to that. Anyway right now I am taking Wellbutrin 150mg bid, Neurontin 300mg tid and Klonopin 0.5mg qid. I just wish I didn't have to depend on a doctor who depends on government laws which depend on religion or I don't know what. I am screwed anyway. Society says hapiness is a matter of willpower, remember? I'm trying as hard as I can.
Posted by adamie on August 2, 2001, at 23:51:58
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Jady on August 2, 2001, at 23:20:38
> Else, I just started posting today. I wish I have a nickle for every time I felt just like you do right now. I just never seem to get a handle on things, and sometimes I feel like I go months with only hassles, fires to stamp out, bad news and any other number of negative things. I wake up and think if I just stay in bed at least it can't get worse. Today I'm not feeling that way. But my son left the house as soon as he saw I got a bill which indicated my last payment somehow wasn't received. Some days I can deal, but others this type of thing sends me off the deep end, drowning in self hatred. Some people are just always freaking happy! Usually I figure they're just too stupid to know how screwed up everything is. Or that I'm just a cursed, damaged loser. But then again, I'm afraid to be happy just because of meds. Doesn't that mean I'm just too medicated to see how screwed up everything is?
When you dont have depression or some other mental disorder which is the case with most people there is no reason to be unhappy, period. At least nothing drastic. Before my chemical imbalance I was always perfectly happy. So what if the world isn't perfect. You can make 'your' life perfect. It is simple. People are just ungrateful among other things. I myself will just have to wait until my depression goes away and I will be able to enjoy everything to the fullest extent once again.
Posted by Jady on August 2, 2001, at 23:56:16
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this » Jady, posted by adamie on August 2, 2001, at 23:51:58
I agree completely. I forget when I'm depressed and no one can convince me I'm wrong to think the world is just crap. Then I feel better and I can actually be supportive to someone who is feeling down, and even the fuzz on my dog's butt seems like such a fantastic and wonderful thing. The world is very good and very bad and everything in between. Some days I can take just about anything and others I can't stand the slightest annoyance. But without screwed up brain chemical, I am sure there is a middle ground where we see the world and all of the wonderful dog butt fuzz and everything else without overly glossing it up or failing to appreciate it.
j
Posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 23:59:43
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Jady on August 2, 2001, at 23:20:38
I don't know. If you're happy it doesn't matter if meds make you delusional. Hapiness is only a matter of perception and my perception really sucks. I just think I'm too tired to deal with all of this (and you too from what I can tell). There's this line by Matt Dillon in Drugstore Cowboy where he says he needs drugs to just be able to tie his shoe laces in the morning. Why tie your stupid shoe laces indeed, if life just plain sucks to you? I don't care what it takes anyway. I'm so LOW, low, low.... I hate this. I want to lock myself into my appartment and never leave.
> Else, I just started posting today. I wish I have a nickle for every time I felt just like you do right now. I just never seem to get a handle on things, and sometimes I feel like I go months with only hassles, fires to stamp out, bad news and any other number of negative things. I wake up and think if I just stay in bed at least it can't get worse. Today I'm not feeling that way. But my son left the house as soon as he saw I got a bill which indicated my last payment somehow wasn't received. Some days I can deal, but others this type of thing sends me off the deep end, drowning in self hatred. Some people are just always freaking happy! Usually I figure they're just too stupid to know how screwed up everything is. Or that I'm just a cursed, damaged loser. But then again, I'm afraid to be happy just because of meds. Doesn't that mean I'm just too medicated to see how screwed up everything is?
Posted by Jady on August 3, 2001, at 0:05:52
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this » Jady, posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 23:59:43
But can't you remember a time you didn't feel like "giant lumps of crap" (a favorite phrase of my son)? Right this minute I'm in a sort of haze between thinking life is total s**t and thinking it might just be okay. But I know if I bump my head getting in the car tomorrow morning I might just want beat the hell out of my car roof and decide the rest of the day is shot and I might as well just forget it. But I do remember a time I didn't feel that I might go off at any minute. I'm looking forward to feeling that way again.
Posted by Else on August 3, 2001, at 0:16:16
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Jady on August 3, 2001, at 0:05:52
No, actually I can't. I can think of good times but they only remind me of the crap followed them. I'll get over this I suppose. Thank you, though.
> But can't you remember a time you didn't feel like "giant lumps of crap" (a favorite phrase of my son)? Right this minute I'm in a sort of haze between thinking life is total s**t and thinking it might just be okay. But I know if I bump my head getting in the car tomorrow morning I might just want beat the hell out of my car roof and decide the rest of the day is shot and I might as well just forget it. But I do remember a time I didn't feel that I might go off at any minute. I'm looking forward to feeling that way again.
Posted by AMenz on August 3, 2001, at 0:36:23
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this » Jady, posted by Else on August 3, 2001, at 0:16:16
I don't know what to say, it is so hard to suffer from symptoms. Except the alternative sucks.
I have tried to keep plugging at whatever might work. With depression putting one foot in front of the other, although my biggest problem is anxiety. I cycle pretty rapidly if not stabilized.
Anxiety I have found meditation and writing.
The worse problem is all the bad habits of thinking and behaving that one picks up from years of mood instability, specially when it starts in adolescence. So I try to work on these.
It is good to remember that there is usually some respite inbetween episodes. When I was young things were pretty rough until about 26. These were periods when I had two episodes in 5 years and I needed a lot of therapy to rebuild social skills etc.
It did get better with experience in dealing with symptoms, etc. You of course need some semblance of right medications that make the biochemical aspect tolerable.
But life is not necessarily happy all the time. Its however the negative mood that makes it seem unbearable.
One thing I do know, this is silly, is every time I think to myself, I wish I were dead, I stop and substitute I wish I were better. It has done a lot for these feelings of complete despair.
I hope some of this is of help to someone.
> No, actually I can't. I can think of good times but they only remind me of the crap followed them. I'll get over this I suppose. Thank you, though.
>
>
> > But can't you remember a time you didn't feel like "giant lumps of crap" (a favorite phrase of my son)? Right this minute I'm in a sort of haze between thinking life is total s**t and thinking it might just be okay. But I know if I bump my head getting in the car tomorrow morning I might just want beat the hell out of my car roof and decide the rest of the day is shot and I might as well just forget it. But I do remember a time I didn't feel that I might go off at any minute. I'm looking forward to feeling that way again.
Posted by stjames on August 3, 2001, at 1:10:14
In reply to I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 22:59:44
If whatever AD is causing "numbing" then clearly it is not the right one for you. This is a not so uncommon problem. I had to try several AD's till I found the ones that did not do this.
james
Posted by Anna Laura on August 3, 2001, at 1:12:10
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 23:51:27
> > > It's simple really. On antidepressants or anticonvulsants I don't fully realize how badly my life sucks. So I just deal with it in a relatively effective, albeit deeply bored way. When I am off, the horror strikes me. Right now I am on Wellbutrin but it's not a normal AD. Anyway. I don't want to numb myself to make my horrible life seem OK. So now what? When I am off, like right now, everything seems so hopeless. I don't want to be a zombie but I don't want to kill myself either. I don't know what to do. I just want to be myself and feel both alive and happy at the same time. Is this even possible? I'm so depressed. I feel like I did last year before I tried to kill myself. But things are OK. I get along great with my co-workers. I think I could even be friends with them and it is so hard for me to make friends but I can't do it. I'm too scared to be intrusive or something like that. It's all so f****d-up. Why do I bother? I just want to be happy but it's so hard.
> >
> > "Right now I am on Wellbutrin but it's not a normal AD"
>
> What is a normal AD?
>
> A normal AD is one that kills any drive you might have like SSRIs or TCAs. ADs that make you not care in any way. Wellbutrin is not like that in my opinion. It doesn't generate apathy.
>
> > If you list what you've tried, I'm sure that you'll get many suggestions, a few of which might actually help.
>
> WHAT I HAVE TRIED:
>
> Prozac
> Xanax
> Zoloft
> Klonopin
> Effexor
> Desyrel
> Wellbutrin
> Parnate
> Valium
> Lectopam
> Serax
> Depakote
> Neurontin
> Ativan
> Elavil
> Cocaine
> Methamphetamine
> Alcohol
> Ecstasy
>
> I mention illegal drugs because I consider this self medicating. I would say Zoloft, Effexor, Depakote and Neurontin were pretty useless. Benzos have helped but not solved the problem in any way.Parnate was great but of course my doc says I can't have it. Elavil is a bit different, I used it in a suicide attempt and felt great afterwards (perhaps hypomanic, I don't know). I don't know what its *normal* effect is. Cocaine worked short-lived miracles (and the price to pay was very high). Speed was OK. Ecstasy did nothing. I get panic attacks on pot. I hate marijuana.
> > This isn't the time to quite. Lots of advances are on their way. Do one day at a time.
> >
> > jojo
>
> I don't want to quit but I feel like I've lost all my youth to this... mess. I'm 26 now. My teenage years were disastrous. I don't want to go on another 25 years like this. I am not afraid of death at all but I don't wan't it to come to that. Anyway right now I am taking Wellbutrin 150mg bid, Neurontin 300mg tid and Klonopin 0.5mg qid. I just wish I didn't have to depend on a doctor who depends on government laws which depend on religion or I don't know what. I am screwed anyway. Society says hapiness is a matter of willpower, remember? I'm trying as hard as I can.
Else, why don't you get another pdoc who's willing to prescribe Parnate ? You said it worked, right? If i knew that something worked for me, i'd do anything do get it. Go for it!Wishing you well
Anna Laura
Posted by Gracie2 on August 3, 2001, at 1:56:16
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Anna Laura on August 3, 2001, at 1:12:10
You know what our problem is? We lack purpose.
We're so tied up in our own problems...a bane in my own life is that God gave me great artistic talent, and I don't use it because I don't want to deal with people.
I live in a city with a lot of underprivilaged kids. I've been thinking about volunteering my services, to paint free murals at daycare centers.
I think it would distract my crippled mind and possibly do some good. I like kids.
-Gracie
Posted by paxvox on August 3, 2001, at 9:17:39
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Jady on August 2, 2001, at 23:20:38
Now I'm just jumping here in the middle before I read the rest of the follow-up posts for you two, so I may have additions later.
Anywho......
We need to use this forum to its full extent as a sounding board and a reciprocal "help each other" tool. I read so many posts that are so similar to where I am now, or where I have been. Frankly, it scares me to read the posts when someone appears to have given up hope on life. I have been there, been to the brink, but every time I realize that is NEVER going to solve any problem, and will make my family members have to deal with my leftover horrors. If we can "talk" to each other when we are low, and we respond quickly enough, perhaps that one person who feels so alone, so lost, so without hope can be brought back off the edge. I guess there are chat rooms that are more real time, however, I feel that this board has some very intelligent and experienced posters. There is a lot of information available, but we need to develop some sort of rapid response network...maybe even phone numbers (?) to call when someone is in serious straights. We might be that ONE PERSON that can make the difference between a low point and a senseless loss of life.
Posted by paxvox on August 3, 2001, at 9:28:44
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Gracie2 on August 3, 2001, at 1:56:16
>
> ...and possibly do some good. I like kids.
> -GracieHey Gracie, I think that you have a grip on it! We can begin to feel better about ourselves when we realize we DO have a purpose in this world. Who can HONESTLY say that this world would have been a better place w/o them? (ok, maybe Hitler or Jeffery Dalmer). That is why I love the movie
"It's A Wonderful Life" we really do touch a lot of lives, even if indirectly. I KNOW FOR A FACT that there are people alive right now from things I have done. That is a start. If you can help some children, the most beautiful gift of God, to have a better life, you HAVE changed the world for the better. If doing this makes you feel worthwhile all the better I say!
Posted by Else on August 3, 2001, at 10:13:46
In reply to I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 22:59:44
Thanks to all of you for responding. I am not considering suicide or anything. I don't think I would ever try this again. A lot (relatively speaking) is going on in my life right now and when I get stressed out I get really depressed. I have to get used to work, for one thing. I haven't worked in two years.
I know I lack purpose but I am so unmotivated even when I don't feel bad. Actually, I do have a long-term goal but it seems so unattainable. Just getting a university to take me back right now would be a major step in the right direction but I have screwed up so often in the past they wont give me another chance (all universities are public, and cheap, in Canada but they don't want to pay for a student who'll drop out in the middle of a semester and cost the system thousands of dollars for nothing, and this is what I have done several times.) Everytime I tried to go back to school, I got depressed at some point, became unable to work and concentrate and just gave up.
Perhaps I should have taken some sick time. I never take sick time for depression because I don't think anyone will believe me and think I am making this up. If I had taken some sick time I wouldn't be in the mess I am in. I probably need to see a social worker or something to help me work things out. Before I always used to feel there was this "ceiling" of success and happiness I could never rise beyond. That feeling had gone away but now it's coming back because of my lousy performance at work. I just have to weather this I suppose. Thanks to all of you.
> It's simple really. On antidepressants or anticonvulsants I don't fully realize how badly my life sucks. So I just deal with it in a relatively effective, albeit deeply bored way. When I am off, the horror strikes me. Right now I am on Wellbutrin but it's not a normal AD. Anyway. I don't want to numb myself to make my horrible life seem OK. So now what? When I am off, like right now, everything seems so hopeless. I don't want to be a zombie but I don't want to kill myself either. I don't know what to do. I just want to be myself and feel both alive and happy at the same time. Is this even possible? I'm so depressed. I feel like I did last year before I tried to kill myself. But things are OK. I get along great with my co-workers. I think I could even be friends with them and it is so hard for me to make friends but I can't do it. I'm too scared to be intrusive or something like that. It's all so f****d-up. Why do I bother? I just want to be happy but it's so hard.
Posted by Else on August 3, 2001, at 10:14:49
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this, posted by stjames on August 3, 2001, at 1:10:14
Which one are you on, pray tell?
> If whatever AD is causing "numbing" then clearly it is not the right one for you. This is a not so uncommon problem. I had to try several AD's till I found the ones that did not do this.
>
> james
Posted by jotho on August 3, 2001, at 10:20:34
In reply to I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 22:59:44
Else...
My heart goes out to you, as it also does to all those cursed by the cruel and unfair sleight-of-hand genetics has dealt us. As much as we are all here to support one another, it gets difficult saying (and hearing) the same things over and over, I can only add a "hang in there, friend", like everyone else says. It is also disheartening to hear "outsiders" tell us to "Pick yourselves up by the bootstraps and get on with it!" Almost hard to believe that there are really people dumb/naive enough to think that we are "choosing" this way of life...or that we can simply change our minds, or just think positively, and all will be well. Wow, I sure hope we are still an evolving species!!
Else, i won't comment on the back-forth thing you and JohnL seemed to be having...you both come from two distinct perspectives, both with great merit, but i am wondering, after the various meds. you've taken, if you would ever consider the low-dosage regimen that he seems to have success with. You seemed quite against usage of anti-P's in treatment for depression...but do you think maybe a very-low-dosage trial might be of benefit?
With the kindest of thoughts, jotho
Posted by Else on August 3, 2001, at 10:32:27
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Anna Laura on August 3, 2001, at 1:12:10
> Else, why don't you get another pdoc who's willing to prescribe Parnate ? You said it worked, right? If i knew that something worked for me, i'd do anything do get it. Go for it!It's very hard to change pdocs here. I would probably be on a waiting list for months. I am working on trying to get Parnate. My doctor favours "waiting long enough to see improvements". He seems very convinced anticonvulsants are for me. I don't have time to wait. I have been quite inconsistant with him. I come up with a different problem and miracle solution every month and he doesn't take me very seriously. I just spend way too much time analyzing my problems. I should just focus on what my symptoms actually are and what meds work. I get the impression he is not very perceptive though. It's his job to clear this up, not mine. But when I left him to decide he just kept me on Zoloft for a year and a half and seemed satisfied with my apathy which he apparently mistook for my normal mood. He doesn't know me at my best so he assumes Zoloft is my best (I am so DUMB on Zoloft). Anyway. I should just say I want Parnate + Klonopin and stop rambling. Maybe I would get what I want. Short and sweet, you know. But as you can see, I'm not very succinct (is this a word in english?).
Thank you and I wish you the best
> Wishing you well
>
> Anna Laura
Posted by Else on August 3, 2001, at 10:48:54
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this » Else, posted by jotho on August 3, 2001, at 10:20:34
I am opposed to APs for depression because of what I have seen with my own eyes: People I know who had no feelings or facial expressions on APs. I don't know if 1mg of Risperdal is a low dose but my brother was so weird on it I thought he had been replaced by a robot ( very "Stepford Wives", you know what I mean). I thought it was really creepy.I just don't trust these drugs at all. I want a reasonnable trial at MAOIs because they have shown promise in the past. If these drugs let me down then I might be open to anything, but in the meantime, no.
Thank you for trying to cheer me up. I know I'll get better. I've had my lows in the past year but I don't behave the way I used to, I don't give up. I know I'll get through this nasty period. Thanks again and the best to you too.
> Else...
> My heart goes out to you, as it also does to all those cursed by the cruel and unfair sleight-of-hand genetics has dealt us. As much as we are all here to support one another, it gets difficult saying (and hearing) the same things over and over, I can only add a "hang in there, friend", like everyone else says. It is also disheartening to hear "outsiders" tell us to "Pick yourselves up by the bootstraps and get on with it!" Almost hard to believe that there are really people dumb/naive enough to think that we are "choosing" this way of life...or that we can simply change our minds, or just think positively, and all will be well. Wow, I sure hope we are still an evolving species!!
> Else, i won't comment on the back-forth thing you and JohnL seemed to be having...you both come from two distinct perspectives, both with great merit, but i am wondering, after the various meds. you've taken, if you would ever consider the low-dosage regimen that he seems to have success with. You seemed quite against usage of anti-P's in treatment for depression...but do you think maybe a very-low-dosage trial might be of benefit?
> With the kindest of thoughts, jotho
Posted by paxvox on August 3, 2001, at 11:23:34
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this » jotho, posted by Else on August 3, 2001, at 10:48:54
Well, another wheel on the bandwagon. I personally do not think APs are an option for depression unless there is some definite indication of bipolar disorder. If you don't get manic, why take those meds? Some of them have NASTY and PERMANENT neurological side effects that are devastating. My peeve is the Pdocs, like mine, who "try" these meds as off-label prescriptions (E.G. Topamax or Depakote for insomnia caused by Wellbutrin). Well duhhhh!!!!!!
That seems to me like cleaving off your arm because you have a bleeding finger! Now, I'm not against off-label prescribing as long as there is a clear cause and effect establishment. But hey, we're not talking about harmless meds! I don't want to be depersonalized nor overmedicated. If you know that Wellbutrin may speed me up, why are you suprised? I feel that co-administration of the benzos provide the best results with the fewest side effects, but oh heavens! that means we have to give out controlled substances! Oh, then those crazies will be all drugged out! Can't have that! Sorry....maybe I do need the Depakote (grin). No thanks!
Posted by Else on August 3, 2001, at 12:46:56
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this, posted by paxvox on August 3, 2001, at 11:23:34
> Well, another wheel on the bandwagon. I personally do not think APs are an option for depression unless there is some definite indication of bipolar disorder. If you don't get manic, why take those meds? Some of them have NASTY and PERMANENT neurological side effects that are devastating. My peeve is the Pdocs, like mine, who "try" these meds as off-label prescriptions (E.G. Topamax or Depakote for insomnia caused by Wellbutrin). Well duhhhh!!!!!!
> That seems to me like cleaving off your arm because you have a bleeding finger! Now, I'm not against off-label prescribing as long as there is a clear cause and effect establishment. But hey, we're not talking about harmless meds! I don't want to be depersonalized nor overmedicated. If you know that Wellbutrin may speed me up, why are you suprised? I feel that co-administration of the benzos provide the best results with the fewest side effects, but oh heavens! that means we have to give out controlled substances! Oh, then those crazies will be all drugged out! Can't have that! Sorry....maybe I do need the Depakote (grin). No thanks!I agree with you so very completely about everything you said. Let's spread the word shall we?
Posted by paxvox on August 3, 2001, at 13:22:37
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this » paxvox, posted by Else on August 3, 2001, at 12:46:56
A burning ember, left untended, can cause quite the conflagration!
We need to be WE. Strength in numbers and all that. Maybe we need to form a PAC to lobby Congress for better access to qualified clinicians and quicker FDA clearance of efficacious meds.
May be, just may be.
Posted by Gracie2 on August 3, 2001, at 13:24:26
In reply to Re: I'm so sick of living like this » paxvox, posted by Else on August 3, 2001, at 12:46:56
Hi Guys-
Here is one suggestion...even though I was having panic attacks, my doctor was reluctant to prescribe benzos because I tend to abuse them when I am depressed or manic. He gave me the prescription when I agreed to give the pills to my husband. I need three pills a day, and he leaves them on the counter for me in the morning.
I know, I know...I feel kind of like a first-grader. (At least he doesn't have to pin a note to my shirt for my teacher). But it is working.
My husband doesn't have to worry about my overdosing and I am getting the medication that I need. Maybe just as important, this new psychiatrist displayed trust in me when I promised to turn over the pills to my husband.
I like him for that.
-Gracie
Posted by Simcha on August 3, 2001, at 14:09:03
In reply to I'm so sick of living like this, posted by Else on August 2, 2001, at 22:59:44
Else,
Buddy, I'm so sorry that life is so very painful for you right now. I can relate to your story and your pain. I don't remember a time in my life where I wasn't depressed, paranoid, anxious. It just didn't happen for me without medication.
I am not numb on ADs. I'm on Wellbutrin and Celexa. I think the pdoc is going to up my doses next week again. I've been having some return to negative thinking... The anxiety has been lessened though. ;-)
Some days on this mix I do feel ephorically happy. And why not? Logically I have everything a 31 year old man could need at this very moment. There are days when the "committee" in my head holds an extra session to bring me anxiety and pain. Those are the days where even though all I want to do is lock the door, crawl into bed and die, I need to ask for help.
You are a good example of that for me, Else. Here you are getting help in your darkness. You are worth it. I hope you find the path you need in order to get well.
I have learned to accept that through genetics and whatever else, I have a chemical imbalance. I need meds to restore the balance. It is a maintenance thing with me. I compare it to diabetes where one needs insulin in order to maintain wellness. I need my ADs in order to maintain my wellness.
Shalom,
Peace,
Simcha ;-)
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