Posted by Susan47 on October 23, 2005, at 23:41:29
In reply to Re: Days of rage » Susan47, posted by Toph on October 23, 2005, at 11:42:30
> Ancient history, susan, except for the occasional doob a buddy brings over. I have no regrets about those days of enlightenment.
Don't be so sure you wouldn't have had "enlightenment" without the drugs. What some people go through is more of a psychotic break, during which they feel enlightened .. drugs may or may not contribute to that, you know, or even start the process. Do you think that's what happened to you?
It happened to me last year. Thirty years past due. And thank God it wasn't that bad, I was able to decide to come out of it, somehow .. I don't know where I got the strength. I think my continued phone calls to horrible T who hurt me so much, I think those phone calls saved me. Really, truly.
As they're doing now.
Oh, Toph, I am such a mess. I am such a bloody, bloody mess.
I wish you could help me. It's been so effing difficult lately, I'm not loved, I am loved by people who can't make the difference. Maybe no one can. I used to fool myself that my ex-T cared about me, I used to play so hard with the fantasy that I meant something good to him, and it was that fantasy that kept me going through all my other relationships. Now it's gone. I have nothing, Toph, and I just feel like imploding.
I'm scared, I'm lonely, I'm tired, and I'm going to go to bed now.
And thanks.
poster:Susan47
thread:553278
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20051022/msgs/571242.html