Posted by alexandra_k on September 6, 2005, at 2:52:32
In reply to in space-time, posted by alexandra_k on September 6, 2005, at 2:41:37
clearly
somethings snapped
uncanny feeling:
things will never be the same
though of course things always are -
i grieve sometimes
but its hard to find the balance
between letting it out
and letting it consume mehard to find the control
and thats what i hate
my problem is...
my problem is...
oh gee, have i thought long and hard about my problem...i don't have much impulse control.
emotions become action urges and they are hard to resist
ideas become action urges and they are hard to resist
and i don't have much self-control.
but thats with my emotions.
because i'm hard-wired to *extremely reactive*
and they are so intense...
i used to think they were going to kill me
i didn't know what they were
i didn't know what was going on
emotions
unbelievable.and then there is the space-time thing
which sounds more interesting then it actually is
its just living the past inside you
over and over
and over and over
all the time
a tape recorder
a movie
a persons voice
over and over and over
and it never really stopspeace - WHACK
and peace is never peaceful for me anymore
one must be WARY for what can happen at ANY MINUTE one must remember to jump for the shock...and maybe i won't stay in one place-time incase that one turns to custard and there won't be an escape route...
or maybe the fracture means i just can't do it anymore
i don't know
but i am so very tired
so very tired
so very sick of
'coping'
and
'getting through'
and
'persevering'
when there really isn't any hope
that i am ever going to get any better
and every liklihood
that i'll f*ck things up irrevokably for myselftime to curl up into the fracture
and sleep...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:551302
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050807/msgs/551304.html