Posted by Susan47 on August 13, 2005, at 15:07:27
I'm so afraid to tell you this, but I have have to. My mind can't rest at all, anymore. My heart won't allow it to. Do you understand what that means? It means I love you and I'm embarrassed by that love. Because it feels needy. It feels as though, if it's not returned, you will disappear from my world. I need you in my world, so terribly much. You are a friend to so many, and I know I would want you as mine, and I would want you as my lover and my confidante, and I can't have you that way. Knowing that doesn't make the wanting any less. And I can't tell you this; I have no way of telling you this without making you feel threatened or beholden. I want to know you have good feelings, too, I want you to have the same feelings about me, and this is all so inadequate. All of this, this writing and stupid, incredibly childish and much too revealing to ever be fully respected, stupid messaging. To what? The universe doesn't care. It's huyrting your life, it has to be, even just to know you have to wade through a bunch of crap to get to the business of your day. I'm humiliated in this needing to hear from you, wanting so terribly much to know that I am worthy of something in your eyes, that you might like to have known me for real, as a person with something to offer you. So much of me has felt for so long, that I have nothing of value to offer anyone.
I love you so much.
At least, that has value.
Thank you, for being such a lovely, kind, beautiful and generous man.
poster:Susan47
thread:541134
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050807/msgs/541134.html