Posted by AdaGrace on August 5, 2005, at 16:31:21
I have discovered that I don't really know what romantic love is.
I really thought I did.
I thought it was the feeling I felt when someone made me feel above and beyond special.
I thought it was the feeling of excitement and joy at being near them or talking to them.
I thought it was the feeling of longing for the next time I could be with them.
Now I just don't know.
I don't think I know what it is.
I don't know if I have been feeling that or infatuation.
I don't know if it was love or need.
And I'm thinking now that not only have I never felt it, that because I was so convinced that I was in love and now have lost everything, including my will to live, I think now that I will never love.
I love my children.
I know that.
I don't know how I could be in love if I wasn't loved in return.
And I feel very empty because of that.
I also feel let down.
I feel disappointment.
I feel abandonment.
Sometimes I feel nothing at all.Those are the times that I really wish I could disappear.
I'm tired of feeling this way, and I'm tired of telling it. And I am sure as h*ll sure that you all are tired of hearing about it.
And yet, I can't stop.
Therapy, yeah PC I know, I need therapy.
But I can't.
Or won't.
poster:AdaGrace
thread:537935
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050621/msgs/537935.html