Posted by alexandra_k on July 25, 2005, at 23:45:19
i do. not sure why. just sad and lethargic and tired. i need a break. i've been saying that for a while now. truth is i don't really get one. have lots of time where i don't do a hell of a lot but the fact that i should be doing this and that and the next thing is always right there. sigh. soooooooo tired. usually i manage to induce a state of panic. i either make it or i break it. have a breakdown or do really well. not so much so anymore. don't seem to be able to get so wound up about things anymore. so i don't do things so well as i used to. don't pressure myself. i do wonder sometimes... that if i don't watch it i won't be able to motivate myself to do things anymore. if i'll end up all bland and lifeless. no states of working... no states of having breakdowns either. i don't know. i just feel so tired.
just have to think...
that in general...
once it is done...
i'm so very pleased and it all seems to be worthwhile and i rediscover why the hell it is that i do this for. why the hell i do this again.at the moment i can't see it.
maybe i should take the rest of the day off...
2 days to go...and i can't tell how much the panic and the internal pressure helps anyrate. ive always been a last minute working to the deadline kind of person. if you have to write an essay you could start it a couple weeks before it is due... but then i tend to sit there and stare at the screen. agonise for a couple hours after that first sentence or two. write a flurry of pages... then begin again and again and again. end up with tracts of repetitive crap. but when there is a deadline looming then you can just sit down and get stuck in to it. so long as you have spend a couple weeks doing some reading and thinking about it. when you start to agonise over a sentance you can go STOPPIT! NO TIME FOR THAT! so you just move along... but when there isn't that edge of panic it doesn't seem to happen for me. i'm not sure how much that panic is necessary. i think about how some of the stuff i've agonised the most over is still pretty crappy at the end of the day. and some of the stuff that other people like the most was written fairly leisurely and relatively easily. maybe thats what makes it flow more. i dunno. i worry that without the worry i'll be nothing at all :-(
i do get scaired sometimes.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:533568
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050621/msgs/533568.html