Posted by Shame on May 10, 2005, at 9:32:58
It's morning. I'm standing in my bathroom going through the early morning ritual once again. Necessity first, then vanity. Trim the goatee, adjust or change my earrings, check the wrap around my rat-tail, make sure the frost in my hair looks like I imagine it should. Then, for a second, I look past the unforgiving surface of my bathroom mirror and really look into my own face. It's the same face that has been looking back at me since college with a few exceptions. Perhaps a slight thinning of the hair, maybe a change in skin texture. 11 piercings in my ears now, more than double what I had when I started as a freshman.
I'm 30 today, and I feel no different than I did last year or the year before that. It's the world that has changed, not myself, and I am the only one that seems to be able to see that. Although I understand the universal trials that young people go through, I no longer relate to the younger generation. I listen to activist fringe bands like 'System of a Down' and 'In Flames', while they idolize murderers and women that dress like prostitutes. There is no art in music anymore as we enter an age of over-washed vocals and awkward lyrics. Old school lyrical talents like Gordon Lightfoot and Camper von Beethoven have been replaced by forced rhymes ending in 'izzle'. When did I become irrelevant?
Every day I consider falling into line with the rest of my generation and leaving the young rebel in me behind; trade my steel-toed boots for loafers, my snub collar button ups for polo shirts, my contempt for authority replaced by compliance. At what point does my distorted sense of self make me look like an old man trying to be young? More to the point why do I care?
Today these thoughts revolve around in my mind, and I know it can only get worse as time goes on. I can't imagine a 50 year old man with any of my traits. All I can see is my father, excruciatingly normal, but hard working and dependable. When did he trade in his identity? Did it deaden his soul, or was it something that came naturally?
I’m sure I'll find out when I get there.
poster:Shame
thread:495962
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050419/msgs/495962.html