Posted by 10derHeart on March 2, 2005, at 23:41:35
In reply to Oh, Sweetheart » 10derHeart, posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 11:50:36
Susan, dear, you are just so open and put your heart right out there, don't you? I do so love that about you. I really do. You know, my posting name came from two places. I really am quite a kid at heart and my daughter adored the Care Bears when she was small. Tenderheart Bear was my favorite. But the other meaning was that people have told me I wear my heart on my sleeve, and maybe risk too much. Nope, not too much. Just right for me, thank you ! Anyway....your words made me think of my own posting name. Weird, I know.
My ex-T. does know how I feel. He knows with looks that need no words. With the card I gave him at termination. With emails that say very little but say EVERYTHING to him. Believe me, he knows what's most important for him to know. Shortly before he left, he read a 4-page letter from me. I confessed to all sorts of stuff. And I think he's always instinctively protected what I admitted - then put away - what needs to not be *out,* because he realizes I respect him, his marriage, his own world of family, friends, almost more than I love him.
So, no, Susan, I would never send him this post. I would be mortified. He wouldn't know what the heck to do or say. There's just no need. This stuff was part of the beautiful fabric of that beautiful garment that is a full relationship with a loving, caring T. Real and approximate. Transference and not. All of it. But this longing, loving woman-to-man part, well, it stays in the past, and has it's place in my imagination, when need be. It doesn't fit with what is still between us when we touch base now by email.
Hope that makes sense? Now I'm NOT scoffing at your thought, not at all. I'm sure on some level he might be flattered and think it was lovely. But it's not to be. I don't need it. He's knows much deeper stuff than anything I put in that sentimental post. For instance, a few months back I called him a "kindred spirit" (we seem to write and think alike, spiritually speaking) and he instantly agreed. Gives me chills still - to be instantly understood, and so intertwined with part of another person's soul.
You're so beautiful, too. Always. I may NEVER get over "You Dropped a File." Did you realize it was the inspiration for what I wrote?
It was. You were.
Love ya' (((Susan))) - 10der
poster:10derHeart
thread:465299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050211/msgs/465802.html