Posted by Bonnie_CA on September 16, 2007, at 16:30:31
In reply to Re: Is there hope? Am I alone?, posted by Meagan on September 14, 2007, at 10:27:18
> Bonnie, Thank you for your post. You hit the nail on the head about people not understanding that "you can't" not that "you won't".
>Yeah, it really sucks, doesn't it? My husband doesn't even really believe me.
> But who cares? Take your sick days and take care of yourself first! It's no one else's business why you are taking sick days, you need to take care of yourself - that's what the sick days are for. So take them, and don't give in to thoughts of what you think other people MAY be thinking. (I know that's a little hard to do for us!)
>
It's kinda more that I'm afraid if I take too many sick days because of depression or anxiety that I'll not have them if I get the flu or something that I REALLY can't work with.> It sounds to me that you are in a position that carries some authority and the decisions you make, though good, can be unpopular with people, which is unavoidable. But it's also very good that you "love" your job, that's really good.
>Oh, most of my decisions have been very unpopular, as I have replaced someone who was popular, and I think he was a doormat too. I'm not like that at all, and the students are annoyed. Some of them are coming around, but it doesn't help my anxiety or depression. I have BP2 (I don't remember if I said that before).
> Perhaps you are not feeling resilient - maybe more of an antidepressant or mood stabilizer might be useful to prevent relapse and help you through the rough times. Have you considered talking with your pdoc and seeing about upping your dose of antidepressant/mood stabilizer?
>I'm on the highest recommended (and apparently, effective) dose of Lamictal. Don't think much more will help. I take Lexapro, but it's entirely likely that it causes cycling.
> You sound very similar to me and I'm glad I'm not alone. Did you find that the reason you ended up leaving jobs before was because you felt you would cry uncontrollably in front of co-workers or in stressful situations? That is what happened to me, and that is why I left jobs before that happened.
>
I didn't cry uncontrollably, but I'd feel isolated and I'd do a crappy job. I was doing temp jobs, and of course, for whatever reason, they could NEVER talk to me directly about whatever made them unhappy, they'd just call my agency and fire me. I was always hoping to find someplace where I felt like a part of something, but no go there. Teaching is a bit better, but there are some that are not on board with me, since the old teacher was so popular with everyone.
> I am very impressed with you for your efforts. All we can do is take a rest, get up, dust ourselves off and get back in the game again. As Woody Allen said: half the battle is just showing up.
>Yes! Actually, on Friday, as soon as I got there, and started teaching my first class, I was glad I came. I felt a bit better, and I realized had I stayed home, I probably would have just wallowed in depression and self doubt. I think going was a much wiser choice.
> As for me, I find that although I need a mood stabilizer, I get too down and need antipressants. The only problem is that sometimes they poop out and then I'm in no position to look for a job or interview. MY pdoc has added something to my present antidepressant that seems to be working and I hope to continue to make gains and strive for the goals I want to acheive in life.
>
I know what you mean. Two years ago, I interviewed with six jobs, but I was on Prozac and I did terribly. I didn't get a single job. So, not only was I feeling awful because of the meds, but I had multiple blows to my self esteem. So, I understand about not being ready for job interviews.
-Bonnie
poster:Bonnie_CA
thread:782005
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/work/20061208/msgs/783277.html