Posted by jujube on October 15, 2004, at 10:55:47
In reply to Re: Okay, here goes » jujube, posted by partlycloudy on October 15, 2004, at 10:35:25
I know it's a hard pattern to break. But don't live in fear that you are not as good as the next person. It's all relative. The most successful and seemingly together person could well be struggling with inner demons. Sometimes I think that if I feel too good about myself, it means I am less of a person - egotistical, self-centered, etc. Pretty much all my life I was the shy, quiet one (couldn't speak up in class, a real social retard unless I was drinking, sat quietly in meetings because I was too afraid to speak in case someone thought I was stupid). I could never understand why people were drawn to me and wanted to be friends with me or even how I did so well at work. What I learned about myself is that I care about people. I am interested in their lives and listen sometimes when no one else will. And, I never wanted anyone I met (either personally or professionally) to feel as crappy about themselves as I did. I don't need to be a shining star, but if I can help a friend, colleague or stranger just by lending an ear, then I guess maybe I have made a small difference. And, even though it has taken me years, I am not as nervous about speaking up and expressing a view or an idea in a meeting or just being me at a social function. Try to look deep inside yourself and see how many lives you have touched over the years just by being you. Grab onto that and think of the many other lives you can continue to touch by just being you. Be good to yourself Partlycloudy. Learn to like you, even if you can only take baby steps at first. Don't be afraid to toot your horn - even if it's only in your own head.
Tamara> I actually quit the book club for almost a year because I was afraid to go. Almost everyone there is really nice to me, and when I'm like this, I can beat myself up really really well. When I'm better, though, I still can't imagine how anyone would want to be friends with me. It's been a theme throughout my entire life, ever since I can remember. Primary school, ballet lessons, and onward and upwards to my so-called adulthood.
>
> I am having another really bad day, can you tell?
poster:jujube
thread:402905
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20041013/msgs/403331.html