Posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2021, at 22:58:27
In reply to Re: Servallince, posted by rjlockhart37 on June 19, 2021, at 22:45:56
When I am in a fragile mood and I notice people looking at me then I tend to assume they are judging me badly. When I am feeling better and I've got a smile on my face then I tend to find other people look at me and smile back at me. Some people walk around with faces... Beaming. Friendly. Approachable. I think people call it. I don't usually notice because I don't tend to look at people. Maybe because I am concerned that they will judge me. I don't know. I'm nervous. They're nervous. We both are afraid of each other. Some other people go out into the world like bold toddlers or... Cheerleaders. Yeah. Assuming everyone wants to be their friend.
I just mean to say that often-times what we see in the world is a reflection of what we project out. I also think that most people are quite a bit afraid of most other people. Even the jocks and cheerleaders and business leader types who go about grinning at everyone... They often have their own crap. Sometimes it is about them feeling plastic and about how people don't see them for who they really are and how they don't feel able to show the world how they really are because of all this pressure on them that they feel that they are expected always to beam at everyone constantly...
I just mean that probably people are looking at you, yes. But probably how you feel they judge you -- that is probably not how they judge you. That is probably how you judge yourself.
That being said... I am feeling decidedly pudgey these days. Beer has caught up with me. Beer and potato chips. It is to be expected. There has been quite a lot of beer over the last year, honestly... Time to call it quits. Opportunity cost etc. Steatosis of the liver... Ahem... I'm carrying it around my middle. Organs. Where you don't want to be carrying it. I think it is packing my spine. Apparently I can bloat myself with water for similar effect.... Or beer... Or food. Whatever...
I'm not feeling so good about myself these days so I assume that's how the world sees me.
But in my more reasonable moments I suppose that people are a little afraid of me because they find me a little scary because I'm not smily and reassuring to them. They find me aloof and they think I'm uncaring and judging them harshly and choosing not to be their friend. But I'm more afraid of them than they are of me, honestly. Anyway...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1115592
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20210526/msgs/1115612.html