Posted by alexandra_k on December 15, 2014, at 17:16:30
In reply to Re: wrecked the bar REDIRECT, posted by ClearSkies on December 15, 2014, at 16:16:34
Hey. I don't know what happened with the redirect... But maybe we could have a thread on toxic family, or something. Instead of it getting drowned in all my other sh*t.
I have had significant periods of no contact with my Mother. She would phone my Father for updates.
I saw her a bit before moving to Australia. Mostly because... I thought I would never see her again.
Also... Yes... I feel bad for this... I had start up costs in moving to Australia, and I needed to ask for help.
Money is a thing. She uses it as such. I feel awful about it. I feel squeamish about that generally. I've been determined never to be financially dependent on anyone... But I still... My Mother helps me out, at times, and I need that help.
'Need'... Tis relative, huh. Hence more squeamishness... Hence guilt. Beating myself up. That is something she would love to magnify. 'You are only seeing me / being nice to me / using me because you want something from me'. Aw, you phoned me! Have $200!
Her eldest has only just gotten back in touch with her after... More than 10 years of no contact. Mother said something about how she wanted to help her with x and y and money. But that she decided to hold off... Just to see wheat eldest wants...
Mother has been frantically saving over all these years in order to buy... People not abandoning her. I suppose. And that makes me feel... Squeamish, indeed.
And it gets me feeling panicked about myself... About my future... About getting stuck not in an old folks home where people neglect me... But about being stuck in an old folks home with heavy handed intrusive clumsy and emotionally insensitive dolts who will do what they think best where that involves me being forced to spend all my time around people people people sticking their faces and noses right up close to me persistently always forever...
Anyway...
Yes. It would be best for me if I have no contact. Mother rightly sees... That all of us would do that if we didn't specifically need something from her. I hope to get a hardship scholarship this year... $2,000 for each year over the next 3. It would enable me to replace my holy wardrobe and actually get some stuff that might make it appropriate for me to be able to attend things like funerals and weddings. Perhaps even just to feel normal at something like dinner. To get my teeth looked at / fixed. To get some glasses that don't look horribly tacky. Otherwise... It is spending time with mother and $200 here and there... Mostly it is about making her feel that the money makes a difference so she better cough up.
I suppose the idea is: It is better to find a husband.
Yeah, right.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1074231
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141123/msgs/1074233.html