Posted by Dinah on May 19, 2013, at 12:01:13
In reply to Re: update - losing a friend, posted by no rose garden on May 18, 2013, at 20:25:43
Maybe it isn't the idea of either having a friend or not having a friend. Maybe the idea of "having a friend" can mean different things.
It is possible to have a friend that you can say anything in the world to. Soulmates.
But it's also possible to have friendships that are limited to what they are, but can still be enjoyable.
From what I understood by what you said, this was a situation where the two of you might have seen the degree of friendship differently. It's possible that this particular friendship can't be re-established. Who knows? It's possible that over time, a friendly relationship may be rebuilt. Or not. But there could be things you could learn from this friendship.
I think therapists overdo the whole sharing bit. Sure, in an intimate relationship, it's very good to share your thoughts and feelings nearly always. But in a less intimate friendship, it might be better to limit disclosure until reciprocity is there. If you're usually the one disclosing, it might be a sign to step back.
It does hurt to be with other people. It hurts to think we have something with someone that they don't think we have. I have definitely grown more guarded over time as I've felt hurt. Perhaps too much so.
But it doesn't have to be all or nothing. The inbetween isn't bad, really.
poster:Dinah
thread:1043716
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130409/msgs/1043923.html