Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2009, at 16:21:06
In reply to Re: It's so hard to know 'when', posted by Frustratedmama on June 28, 2009, at 8:14:24
> People tried to tell me things like "Is your dog able to do the things he likes to do?" and since he liked me and being pet I would answer "yes" but in reality, he couldn't walk well, was weak, had a hard time breathing, etc.
That is precisely the problem. I feel that as long as she had her small pleasures, it was wrong of me to take that from her.
But after another night of her shaking I finally decided that it was time. Shaking while sleeping indicates discomfort to me, and she's been doing it more often than not for at least a month.
My regular vet told me when I asked recently that he wouldn't think less of me no matter what I decided, and that we had already gone far further than most people would have with the sweetie. She's been on prednisone and chemo for at least two and a half years, after being diagnosed three years ago. The specialist then said she was unlikely to live more than months.
It was a degenerative brain illness where her immune system attacked her brain matter. Quite a bit of one side of her brain was dead three years ago, in a fairly recent period of time. The medication slowed it down, but she's been getting worse and was going to continue to get worse.
I don't know if I've ever felt this guilty about putting a dog to sleep. I don't know if it's ever something I've done more than a few days from their inevitable death.
I didn't expect to cry, but I did. I cried after I wrote this post, because I realized viscerally that this really was time. That she was in discomfort. I cried as I held her little body. She was so small. I've known this was coming for three years. She wasn't even really my dog. She was my husband's little princess.
It seems so damnably unfair that she developed this so young. Her entire life was a bit more than five years, and she was sick for three of those. Unfair.
poster:Dinah
thread:903566
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090624/msgs/903795.html