Posted by fayeroe on April 15, 2009, at 22:02:16
Fayeroe has been gone 56 days tonight. Eight weeks. Two months. For me it feels like time stood still.
I have my moments. I have those "nanosecond" thoughts about her being outside or in another room or in the truck...and like that, it's gone because I realize that she isn't here.
I found an online support group and that is where I've talked about my grief the most. Reaching out to friends hasn't worked. It is like she never existed. I'll write or phone a friend and I guess people are so uncomfortable with death that they would rather not talk about it. It's just hard.
I've never lived alone without a guard dog in the house at night. I've been hit really hard realizing how much I depended upon her strong presence for safety. She lived to guard me. I've become obsessive about locks and such. I wasn't like that before she died. Of course that isn't the main reason that I miss her. I hadn't realized, when she was alive, how secure she made me feel.
She was a big dog and had a big personality and the house is empty now.
Fayeroe was only 7 so naturally I had never given a thought to her dying. That and finding her still bothers me so much. She was so strong and healthy. I guess it was probably an aneurysm..maybe to the brain..or lungs.
It is very hard to come back home and she isn't bouncing up and down at the door, doing her pee dance, excited to see me......
I'm rambling.
Pat
poster:fayeroe
thread:890979
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090331/msgs/890979.html