Psycho-Babble Social | for general support | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: I really miss Fayeroe » gardenergirl

Posted by fayeroe on April 16, 2009, at 10:52:07

In reply to Re: I really miss Fayeroe » fayeroe, posted by gardenergirl on April 16, 2009, at 9:46:50

> I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you are doing. I recently found this series of essays by Meghan O'Rourke on grief and found it very validating and comforting. http://www.slate.com/id/2211257/entry/2211256/

When I finish this I am going to read the essays. I think I've read something else that she wrote.

At times I even wonder about how I am doing. I am here and she is gone. When Tippy died, I knew that it was time for me to let him leave his worn out and tired home here. It didn't hurt any less and I still grieve for him.

We all have different phases in our lives and when Tippy died that phase of my life died with him. I quit traveling and almost quit taking photographs. Most of the "big" things happened while Tippy was with me and I tie that history into Tippy's history. The divorce, my move, my gains in photography, my parent's deaths and then back to Oklahoma. He was by my side for 15 years.

My Fayeroe phase started at a time when I had laid aside enough grief for Tip to consider getting another dog. I was very depressed and living in the old town (marriage and stuff) and I needed to make some changes.. She was dying and my "buying" her saved her life and in hindsight, I know it saved mine.

I struggled along in Oklahoma but we also had some fantastic times. I met a rancher and he practically turned his 900 acre wildlife refuge over to me. It is a wonderland of elk, turkeys, coyotes, foxes, deer, big cats and snakes. He had horses, camels and tame elk around the house. Fayeroe and I spent hours and hours there. We walked and climbed and swam.We would take food and water and stay 10-12 hours at a time. She really grew into her disciplined and controlled phase there. That experience cemented our closeness.

We moved to Texas.
>
> In particular, this part really resonated with me:
> "Since my mother's death, I have been in grief. I walk down the street; I answer my phone; I brush my hair; I manage, at times, to look like a normal person, but I don't feel normal. I am not surprised to find that it is a lonely life: After all, the person who brought me into the world is gone. But it is more than that. I feel not just that I am but that the world around me is deeply unprepared to deal with grief. Nearly every day I get e-mails from people who write: "I hope you're doing well." It's a kind sentiment, and yet sometimes it angers me. I am not OK. Nor do I find much relief in the well-meant refrain that at least my mother is "no longer suffering." Mainly, I feel one thing: My mother is dead, and I want her back. I really want her backsometimes so intensely that I don't even want to heal. At least, not yet."

[gg], I'll be in a store or the library and I'll wonder why everyone is going on about their business. I can't go about mine. She is gone. What is wrong with these people? I'll be driving down the street and see someone and I can tell when they remember that she's gone because they look at the passenger seat and turn their head away from me. I burst out bawling in the pharmacy recently. (good thing I was picking up Psych drugs that day)

Someone tried to get me to do something political and I was offended (privately) that he would ask me to look outside my grief that day.

My daughters will call and not mention Fayeroe and after we hang up, I'll bawl and wring my hands. How could they forget her? She was family!
>
> I remember after our beloved Daily died, I was out in public running errands, and I thought to myself, "How can anyone be smiling and laughing? Don't they know she's gone???" It is very isolating. It's so very hard. I've noticed that it's only in the last two weeks or so that I can talk about her and for a moment think about her final minutes without crying. Just a month ago that seemed impossible. Yet it still hurts so much. I miss her very much.

I am so sorry about Daily. I missed reading here when she left you. I don't know what was going on but I had not been checking in. Wasn't she about 12? I knew that you had her because you talked about her years ago. I'm glad that you have your husband to share and remember her.
>
> I know you miss fayeroe. I'm sure she misses you, too and looks forward to when you are reunited at the right time.
>
Some of the hardest pain has come from worrying about her leaving without me there. I found her and I do pray that it was quick and she didn't wonder where I was.....I hope she is okay.

> I'm glad you planted flowers for her. My hubby and I still haven't figured out what kind of memorial marker or thingy we want for Daily. I think we're avoiding thinking about it, but we do intend to put something in the yard.

The little grave garden has been a godsend for me. Zen sent seeds and the poppies are up.One of my sisters sent seeds and is sending more. It will as colorful as Faye's personality was. She definitely was not a "spectator" dog. She was a participant in life.
>
> Extending virtual hugs, tissues, and permission to cry, wail, sob, sniffle, whatever you need.
>
> With love,

Thank you because there are times when I really do need permission to just let go. I suppose that the permission validates the grief?

Music has been a huge part of the grief. Bob Dylan lives in the house now.

Pat

 

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Social | Framed

poster:fayeroe thread:890979
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090331/msgs/891037.html