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Re: Bad thoughts ***trigger*** » Deneb

Posted by 10derHeart on September 27, 2008, at 21:59:11

In reply to Bad thoughts ***trigger***, posted by Deneb on September 27, 2008, at 17:47:25

> I'm thinking more about San Francisco now that Dr. Bob has set up the Yahoo group.

Me, too. It's exciting. I am looking forward to seeing you again.

> It's getting to be more real now.

Yup.

> Right now I'm afraid I'm going to get really lonely and depressed while in San Francisco

That *could* happen. But, you have had these feelings before and let them pass - many times - remember? And....you will have several - perhaps many - of us there also you could call, come to see, etc., day or night, if you are feeling badly. Put me on that list, please. Remember we're just barely starting to plan. Are you maybe jumping to the conclusion you'll be isolated? Why? Could you maybe try jumping to the conclusion you *won't* be isolated? [pssst....If we have to assume anything, I like my assumption WAY better!]

>>and decide to jump off the Golden Gate on my own.

No, you won't.

>I wouldn't do it in front of Babblers of course. That would traumatize them.

Others already covered this, and more in this thread. Deneb - think about Toronto. You know what I mean. And that was much later in time. I was traumatized. I am still, in fact. Please never forget - YOU matter!!

> What if I get upset over something? I get upset easily.

I had a T. once - not the one I just had to move away from - but before that. He used to kinda play this CBT challenging game I think of as the "so what?" game in group t., or even in one-on-one with the right client/situation. Now this might sound harsh, but not really. (He is a gentle person and never harsh.) If I would say something like that, about how awful it would be if I had a feeling, he would say, mildly and inquisitively, "ok. So what?" And then I/you would think of the *awful* next thing that would happen if I/you got upset (usually something at least partly an assumption, or irrational...) and he would say to that, "ok. So what?" And so on... Every single time, that game worked out to me saying something like, "well, I guess there are all sorts of possibilities, most not even half bad...." or something close to that.

Did I explain that okay? Point being, Deneb, dear, if you do or don't get upset ---------so what?!! A does NOT lead to Z, and you know it. You are the walking poster woman for learning this, and I'll bet could teach it to others. [Just in case.....*of course* I don't mean "so what?" in the sense "who cares?" And mt ex-T. made sure he never did this until people were "ready" to fully know that. Not AT ALL. In fact, this little game you can play with someone whose fearful thoughts are trying to overtake them exactly *because* you do care. More a way of telling powerful feelings that have little basis in reality (or even if they do...) that they still CAN'T hang around forever NOR control your response! Imagine shouting at "them" - "FEELINGS! YOU are temporary! YOU will disappear. YOU can't destroy me!! I have the power over you" -- well, you get the idea ]

I believe the sequence of: "I'm very upset." "There's no way out." "I will harm myself." is waaaay in the past for you, and just comes back to try to haunt you from time to time. Tell *it* to take a friggin' hike! A long walk... Tell those disordered thoughts to "bite me!" Whatever works - I prefer the zany options- they often work AND make me laugh at the same time!

If you feel upset, you'll use one of many coping skills. You'll have available to you one of the best (IMO) - other Babblers who {kinda} *know* you and will care and talk to you, and not 'so what' - but "guess what?".......................

....the upset will PASS!! Am I right or am I right?

((Deneb)) Now - as Kath mentioned - what's up today? Something trigget this? I'll bet you know.

Sorry this was too long - but it matters to me. I'll try to be around here more if I can.

-- your friend, 10der

 

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poster:10derHeart thread:854433
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080905/msgs/854521.html