Posted by riot on August 31, 2008, at 0:56:18
In reply to Re: sick of being sick » riot, posted by TexasChic on August 30, 2008, at 22:07:05
kath-
thanks for your encouragement. i made the choice to leave my parents. i needed to get out of their cycle before it killed me. i was having such severe anxiety that i couldnt come home. i lived out of a car and from bed to bed for almost 11 months because i couldnt handle being put down by my father. i od'ed on xanax after a 4 day coke/alcohol/.....drug binge. i had come home after working at a strip club to try and make money to finish school. my dad started telling me how horrible i was and i just couldnt take it (he didnt know i was stripping). i threw him all the money i made and started downing xanax. it was terrifying. in hysterics, i finally told him about my miscarriage and his words were the most hurtful he has ever said. i was so scared i tried calling people, texting people, trying to get a ride but no one called.
i woke up 16 hours later, withdrew from school, bought a plane ticket and left without saying goodbye to almost anyone.i have tremendous anxiety right now with speaking to my mother or father. i have 95%of my belongings at their house, but i dont want them. part of me just wants to say f/ck it and leave it. i am done being the person they turn me into. they expect me to act like an adult but treat me like a child.
everything has always been my fault. his problems, my moms problems, my sister, my brother.... so of course when i screw up.f/cked.
i never got into trouble. smart in high school, graduated early. but i think i was desperate even then to just get out.i am thankful i didnt marry when i thought i was ready. i was definitely in my share of relationships that got too serious. i just recognized quickly that it wasnt working.
my boyfriend "six"- is literally everything i prayed for as a little girl. he is my knight and shining armor. he is that arms that hold me when i cry. he is probably the first person i have been able to trust enough with my life that he has the right to help me make decisions in a time of crisis. right now we live with his parents, which isnt so bad. his mom has fibromyalgia and i kind of help pick up after her and my boyfriend. they have embraced me with open arms and are giving me the chance to take care of myself so that i can have a better chance at a brighter future.
---long post--- sorry. just kind of more about whats going on.
poster:riot
thread:849046
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080816/msgs/849371.html