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I'm kind of freaking out a little bit

Posted by TexasChic on August 17, 2008, at 19:54:02

Friday I spent hours trying to compose a thank you note to the guy who interviewed me. I must have rewritten it 50 times. I finally decided I could let it go for the night and I would get it out in the mail first thing Saturday morning. But then Saturday I couldn't seem to get myself out of bed and just kept going round and round about how I needed to get up and finish it. Finally I decided I could mail it first thing Monday morning. So then I've been in bed all day today, and when I finally came to my computer I started having a panic attack. I've already taken two .5 MG of Xanax about an hour apart, and I usually only take .25MG and hardly ever at home.

I think what I'm really worried about is that if I don't get this job then I'll have to go back to my old one in about a week and a half. I just can't even imagine what that would be like.

And of course if I do get the job, I have to start all over and be the new girl again. When I was growing up we every 3 years or less, so I was always the new girl at school. I just don't want to be anymore.

But that's way less scary than going back to my old job. I just don't know if I could do it! There's no telling what's been said about me, what my supervisor has come up with in her crazy little head. They may just tell me to turn around and go back home, that they don't need me anymore. Or they might want me to try to get back to my work, and I'm sure that would include the condescending help of Rudegirl (she did my job before me). Regardless of what happens I'm definitely going to get condescending reactions from her and my supervisor.

So I'm scared to get the new job, but way more scared not to. I feel like this job is my only hope. Its the only way I could start working right after my month is up. Anything else would take time and I would have to go back to my old job for at least a little while. I know I have people there who care about me. They may not be actual friends, but they do care and have voiced dislike about how I've been treated. But they can't really do anything to change things.

I hope I get the new job, it would be the answer to my prayers. I think I could handle the new girl fears, but I don't think I could handle going back to my old job. So like I said, I'm just freaking out a little bit right now. I go to my T tomorrow - hopefully she can help me get a handle on things.

I just wish EVERYTHING, just life in general, didn't have to be so hard!!!

-T

 

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poster:TexasChic thread:846885
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