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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on August 17, 2008, at 19:54:02
Friday I spent hours trying to compose a thank you note to the guy who interviewed me. I must have rewritten it 50 times. I finally decided I could let it go for the night and I would get it out in the mail first thing Saturday morning. But then Saturday I couldn't seem to get myself out of bed and just kept going round and round about how I needed to get up and finish it. Finally I decided I could mail it first thing Monday morning. So then I've been in bed all day today, and when I finally came to my computer I started having a panic attack. I've already taken two .5 MG of Xanax about an hour apart, and I usually only take .25MG and hardly ever at home.
I think what I'm really worried about is that if I don't get this job then I'll have to go back to my old one in about a week and a half. I just can't even imagine what that would be like.
And of course if I do get the job, I have to start all over and be the new girl again. When I was growing up we every 3 years or less, so I was always the new girl at school. I just don't want to be anymore.
But that's way less scary than going back to my old job. I just don't know if I could do it! There's no telling what's been said about me, what my supervisor has come up with in her crazy little head. They may just tell me to turn around and go back home, that they don't need me anymore. Or they might want me to try to get back to my work, and I'm sure that would include the condescending help of Rudegirl (she did my job before me). Regardless of what happens I'm definitely going to get condescending reactions from her and my supervisor.
So I'm scared to get the new job, but way more scared not to. I feel like this job is my only hope. Its the only way I could start working right after my month is up. Anything else would take time and I would have to go back to my old job for at least a little while. I know I have people there who care about me. They may not be actual friends, but they do care and have voiced dislike about how I've been treated. But they can't really do anything to change things.
I hope I get the new job, it would be the answer to my prayers. I think I could handle the new girl fears, but I don't think I could handle going back to my old job. So like I said, I'm just freaking out a little bit right now. I go to my T tomorrow - hopefully she can help me get a handle on things.
I just wish EVERYTHING, just life in general, didn't have to be so hard!!!
-T
Posted by fayeroe on August 17, 2008, at 20:12:43
In reply to I'm kind of freaking out a little bit, posted by TexasChic on August 17, 2008, at 19:54:02
Snookums,I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time today... It does sound like the new job will be the best for you. We've been the "new girl on the block" before and survived it. You can do it!
I understand how hard it is to make these decisions and you can talk to me when you need to.
Try writing the thank-you note and getting it in the mail tomorrow afternoon.
Remember "you're a Texan"......xoxoxo pat
Posted by TexasChic on August 17, 2008, at 20:57:20
In reply to Re: I'm kind of freaking out a little bit » TexasChic, posted by fayeroe on August 17, 2008, at 20:12:43
Thanks for the support!
Yeah, I know the new girl scenario is much better than the alternative, its just something else for my mind to grab onto to obsess about I guess. But I think its the not knowing right now that's making me crazy. Just not knowing what my life is going to be like in a couple of weeks, either getting ready to start a new job, or getting ready to go back to the old one. It would be better if I knew which I needed to start preparing for. The Xanax is starting to kick in I think, I've still got some of that funky feeling in my chest, but its getting a little better.
-T
Posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2008, at 0:01:51
In reply to Re: I'm kind of freaking out a little bit » fayeroe, posted by TexasChic on August 17, 2008, at 20:57:20
T it's that old fear of the unknown. I'm sure you and your therapist will come up with some excellent ideas. Bet you're sleeping now. Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on August 18, 2008, at 17:29:36
In reply to Re: I'm kind of freaking out a little bit » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2008, at 0:01:51
I didn't find out until just now. When my T and I spoke earlier today it was about how I will deal with the situation if I have to go back to my old job. She said to just keep reminding myself that its temporary. But now that I know for sure I'm not getting that other job, I feel pretty freaked out all over again. The thought of going back to the old one is just so upsetting. But I can't just not go back, I have to have a paycheck coming in. I just don't understand why I can't work like a normal person! My panic is really setting in now, so I'm going to go take a Xanax and try to chill. I'm just really disappointed right now.
-T
Posted by daveuk08 on August 18, 2008, at 18:09:17
In reply to Didn't get it..., posted by TexasChic on August 18, 2008, at 17:29:36
((((((((((((Texas Chick))))))))))))
Dave =(^!^)=
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 18, 2008, at 18:25:24
In reply to Didn't get it..., posted by TexasChic on August 18, 2008, at 17:29:36
Your T is right - even having to go back to your old job rather than starting a new one just means that it's a temporary step for you. Having your mind set on your next destination in your career will help make the b.s. at your present job a little more tolerable. You can do it, TC. (((((Texac Chic))))
Posted by fayeroe on August 18, 2008, at 19:13:45
In reply to Re: Didn't get it... » TexasChic, posted by Partlycloudy on August 18, 2008, at 18:25:24
We're always going to have it harder than the "normal" "ones"....But I believe that when we do conquer something, we probably feel better about it due to our struggles.
I know it's hard but I certainly understand having to have that paycheck. xoxoxo pat
Posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2008, at 20:41:30
In reply to Didn't get it..., posted by TexasChic on August 18, 2008, at 17:29:36
T well you still have time to apply for another one only if temporarily till your find your perfect job. Sorry. Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on August 18, 2008, at 23:02:47
In reply to Re: Didn't get it... » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2008, at 20:41:30
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080814/msgs/847122.html
Kind of Twilight Zoney.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on August 19, 2008, at 0:33:35
Your words mean more to me than you know. I'm feeling a lot better now. I had a good cry, a second Xanax, and vented to my Mom, who although inherently psycho, can do the comforting mother thing pretty well. I will handle what comes, even if it means not being able to handle it and walking out. There's always a choice. And who knows, after being off a month for who knows what according to everyone at work, I should be able to get away with acting as wacko as I want! Hey, that may be kind of fun! So I'm better for now. I can't promise the panic won't come back, in fact it probably will. But I'm hanging in there.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on August 19, 2008, at 0:33:36
In reply to Thanks, all of you, posted by TexasChic on August 18, 2008, at 22:56:51
I was replying to a post on social. Very weird.
-T
Posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2008, at 0:33:36
In reply to ^^ OK, I don't know how that happened ^^, posted by TexasChic on August 18, 2008, at 22:59:48
Hey that's a bit strange but it does have to do with meds. Glad you feel better. Love Phillipa
Posted by Deputy 10derHeart on August 19, 2008, at 0:33:37
In reply to Thanks, all of you, posted by TexasChic on August 18, 2008, at 22:56:51
I'll move the thread where it's supposed to be, just give me a minute...
:-)
Posted by 10derHeart on August 19, 2008, at 0:38:37
In reply to no worries, it happens » TexasChic, posted by Deputy 10derHeart on August 19, 2008, at 0:33:37
now, the thread here appears a bit confusing and ...wacky?! Lol (I could delete posts to make it make more sense, but, I actually kinda like it this way...like a puzzle someone could follow to see if they can understand what happned....Lol - I am SO WEIRD!)
ah, but we are *all* on a MH board, right?!! ;-)
ps - Hang in there, TC, I think you are handling all of this beautifully...one day at a time...it'll turn out well - I do believe that!
Posted by nfc on August 19, 2008, at 7:16:49
In reply to Thanks, all of you, posted by TexasChic on August 19, 2008, at 0:33:35
Hey TC,
only saw this thread now. but yeah like u said you'll handle what comes walk in, walk out. Just do your business at work the best you can, day in day out. interact w/ people on a level you're comfortable with and that's pretty much what you need to do. don't it give u the jitters to go back after a month? that's how I felt after i was on medical leave for 3 months cuz of my first episode of psychosis. but yeah hang in there and I'm sure you'll walk of this the best you can.
take care,
nfc
Posted by TexasChic on August 19, 2008, at 14:40:55
In reply to voila!! of course..., posted by 10derHeart on August 19, 2008, at 0:38:37
> now, the thread here appears a bit confusing and ...wacky?! Lol (I could delete posts to make it make more sense, but, I actually kinda like it this way...like a puzzle someone could follow to see if they can understand what happned....Lol - I am SO WEIRD!)
It wouldn't be the first time a thread of mine went wacky! Thanks for fixing it, I didn't even think to ask for that.
> ah, but we are *all* on a MH board, right?!! ;-)I hope so, otherwise my posts have been completely inappropriate!
> ps - Hang in there, TC, I think you are handling all of this beautifully...one day at a time...it'll turn out well - I do believe that!
Thanks, I'm trying, to hang in there that is.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on August 19, 2008, at 15:07:29
In reply to Re: Thanks, all of you » TexasChic, posted by nfc on August 19, 2008, at 7:16:49
Thanks. I am trying to maintain that 'take it as it comes' mentality, but my emotions still go back and forth. Like today I woke up totally depressed, went back to bed, and just woke up now at 2PM! And now I'm feeling anxious again.
I go to my pdoc on Thursday, and I have to admit I'm kind of hoping they can extend my time off. I don't know if that's possible, and I know I shouldn't want that just so I will have time to get another job and not have to deal with going back to my old one. But its like you said, after being gone so long, it makes it really hard to think about going back! I feel like I should be strong enough to face it and not be trying to avoid it. I mean, I made it through day to day before, and that was without the break I've just had to rest. But I just find my not wanting to have anything to do with that job ever again!
I think I am just going to veg today, and take up the job hunting again tomorrow. I just feel too freaked out in spite of sleeping for hours on end.
Thanks for the support nbc (that's what my brain insists on calling you), and all the rest of you too.
-T
Posted by nfc on August 20, 2008, at 8:11:05
In reply to Re: Thanks, all of you » nfc, posted by TexasChic on August 19, 2008, at 15:07:29
This is the end of the thread.
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