Posted by Dinah on May 26, 2008, at 22:08:48
In reply to Re: I had a fight with my sister again, posted by Deneb on May 26, 2008, at 17:30:57
It does make sense on an emotional level. You can't hurt them directly and don't want to hurt them directly, so you may want to hurt them indirectly by hurting yourself? You want them to be sorry for what they did to you. It's just that it doesn't work. It's an impulse that everyone has experienced from time to time. But it just doesn't work.
My experience is that the only person hurt is myself, and the people that should be hurt are angry instead and blame me entirely. From what you've told me, it sounds as if your experience is similar.
Can you acknowledge your anger, and acknowledge that you want people to feel sorry for hurting you, while recognizing that that isn't the likely result? And then look pragmatically at what might meet your needs more effectively?
Like saying directly that they hurt you, and that you're angry, and that you want them to treat you with more respect in the future so that you can maintain a good relationship with them. That's just an example. It works for some people in my life. Not so much for others. Some I just need to minimize my contact with.
Have you made any changes to your sleeping, eating, or medication regimens lately? That always affects my moods a lot.
poster:Dinah
thread:831236
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080428/msgs/831309.html