Posted by Fivefires on April 17, 2008, at 12:55:47
In reply to Re: Very Close To Ending This H*ll! **trigger** » Fivefires, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 17, 2008, at 11:10:44
> 5F,
> you sound so desperate and miserable.>I am.
>If you truly have intention>
What to say? I'm cognitively clear and aware at this time to self-talk 'I am valuable and my children need me'. Honestly.
>and means to kill yourself, you must go to hospital. That is the safest option for you. They will feed you there, and help you with any medical issues you have. Also, they can help you get stabilized on a med regimen.
>Ll, this is the part that has sometimes 'not' happened for me. I've seen the most non-nutritious foods served to people who have come in re: ideation and plan. They are obviously malnourished and with poor immune systems. I was at one; in 2005 re: nervous breakdown. I wrote in different things like vitamin, Ensure, yogurt, fruit. All these poor people were sitting around me w/ meat that looked like wood and an overcooked vegetable and some sort of bread. This was in the psychiatric ward. The doctors .. bah! The nurses station was surrounded by glass. Patients were visibly and obviously and embarrassingly ignored so badly, I nearly lost my temper, but had I, there was a very large man who would have followed me around the rest of the day and who knows what else! It was horrid. Once after a detox and then onto a chem. depend. unit, after dc'ing back pain meds 5yrs back, patients were treated much better.
>
> My heart goes out for you. I want you to BE safe and to FEEL safe.
>
> This weekend could be really difficult for you, and I wish you could do something for yourself. maybe steal some of the neighbor's flowers in the middle of the night to make a bouquet?
>
> I think you have a lot more strength than you give yourself credit for. A lot of people might have gone back to their ex-sig-other, even knowing about the subst. abuse. stuff.
>
> give yourself some credit.
>
> Thinking of you,
> -LlThanks for your suggestions and for being here. I'd have to go outside to hunt down flowers, but good idea. Giving self credit never has been so difficult. Family used to rally around one who might do this, but I'd not doubt they think I'm lieing, or they're just giving up because nothing has ever really helped me. None live here so for all they know, sig-other here now or has been in the recent past. Maybe pdoc or T will call. (It's Thursday and I thought it was Friday!)
There are two places I would go where I've not seen treatment like the above, but each time called they've said no beds.(?) I'd be gone right now if had a bed, yet still I'd have to do a lot more than admit to ideation. You get that part? I don't think there's any lieing your way in anymore.I don't understand why I've 'no choice' in the facility I go into to. I think we need preventative care for people w/ ideation and then they should be able to choose where they go. It must be the criminality of having a plan that revokes any rights.
Let me just be here w/ you all. But, have to get offline now and then re: dial-up and maybe a call from a provider.
I'm relieved it's not Fri.
My daughter, the one who sort of 'dumped me', sort of said she was sorry yesterday. She and will be gone Fri-Sun, which scares me most.
I've not stopped eating; just stomach hard as a rock and distended. I do have a PCP appt tomorrow. (I thought it was 2hrs away a minute ago and was panicking at the thought of showering and dressing and driving, but it is a MUST GO, not today but tomorrow.) I'll address my stomachache there, and maybe more. I may speak w/ him about MAOIs. He's the PCP who thinks meditation and chanting will help me. But too, if he sees how I look today, tomorrow, he'll prob' re-think that approach at this time.
tks, 5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:823777
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080329/msgs/823804.html