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Re: Loosing my sanity.

Posted by Existentialist on September 25, 2007, at 1:03:50

In reply to Re: Loosing my sanity. » Existentialist, posted by Quintal on September 24, 2007, at 11:34:42

Hey I wrote some long ranting response earlier to that, but then decided to wait and see how I felt about what I wrote later, as it always strikes me as so odd sometimes. I'll be totally honest, for all time I spend developing my intellectual tastes with Critical Social Theory for example, it offers no way out. If I try and fall asleep without ambien or something, I start to remember other times when I used to be a real person before all this, lying after sex and having open conversations about anything, making eye contact, kissing. Now it's unfathomable, I can't imagine being open like that or being a real person again. I feel too sickened in body and soul, and yet that's the only medicine that would be any good again, I need something to shock me out of my coma is how I feel.

Well I did save the old reply, it get's pretty much into a lot. As far as the tone it's written in, I don't like it, I write a lot, but like anything i write, I never like it. It always sounds like I'm going somwhere if it were an intellectual work, but then go ranting on to something else. I write because I just get too worked up I can send you some of my day's writing if you want to get into analyzing some of it perhaps.

here's the kind of writing I'm doing on a daily basis.
"I realized finally, this tall posh looking girl, a decked out LA mallfly, goes strolling past me totally acting out her image for me and the world. She is that. They are so totally controlled by it. To them... that is THE totality of what life is. Suddenly all the big bad people scampering around me were seen to be totally controlled by it. I thought to myself, "This guy needs his suit and shoes and position in life or he has nothing, he probably needs to believe in god too" "If these kids can't believe in their youth identity and MTV good times what are they to otherwise believe? That the world is sh*t and hates them? They would be anarchists ready for revolution, fighting back for their dignity, but how marvelously they are instead controlled and marginalized is an understatement, not just marginalized but eating the poison the trusted hand feeds them."

That was the sock value part of it, that they really did trust it. It wasn't some neutral ambivalence where they weighed the pros and cons and lack of good alternatives, but they assumed that was how it SHOULD be. Apparently someone - to personify the whole propaganda machine - had done a very good job. It was of course the technology that existed today that lead to a trusting populous, the government and corporations had obviously fixed their game in the 37 years since the last signs of rebellion. 9/11 and subsequent media and social changes led to an evolved game..."


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