Posted by Quintal on March 13, 2007, at 23:37:12 [reposted on March 24, 2007, at 22:35:18 | original URL]
In reply to Re: Larry Hoovers, Quintal, Yxibow, Blueberry???, posted by UgottaHaveHope on March 9, 2007, at 0:29:30
I had this discussion once with my psychiatric nurse with regards to my benzo use for anxiety. He believed that depression was causing my anxiety (and the benzos were worsening my depression) and if we could get my mood very high the anxiety would disappear. It's partly true - that's how amphetamine and stimulating antidepressants like Parnate can be helpful for 'social anxiety' even though they are quite anxiogenic and agitating. They made me feel confident and assertive enough to tackle the world head on. I once needed to cancel a subscription to a magazine notorious for using high-pressure sales techniques, and while on amphetamine I had no problem - the guy backed down immediately. I guess there must have been a tone in my voice that warned him I was on the ball and taking no sh*t?
I don't know which came first for me. I think I've always had agitated/anxious depressions - my depressions seem to have been triggered by circumstances that caused me much anxiety. My mother was ill a lot when I was small, and was dying at one point - I must have known but I can't remember anything about it now. I suppose a lot of my depression and anxiety stemmed form that, OCD too. I remember thinking that if I ran up and down the stairs nine times, (avoiding every third step - multiples of three, my 'magic number') she would be alright. It's a way of trying to take some control of your anxious feelings I suppose.
I also think this has something to do with my homosexuality, I read this by L.Ron Hubbard (Scientology founder) the other day and I have to agree with it in my case. It's the most accurate, concise and persuasive description of my character and the reasons I became this way that I've ever read.
__________________________________________________"The "aberration" was caused by a child trying to "continue the life" of a dominant parent of the opposite sex."
Minshull described the "the gentle-mannered homosexual" as a classic example of the "subversive" 1.1 personality, commenting that they "may be fearful, sympathetic, propitiative, griefy or apathetic. Occasionally they manage an ineffectual tantrum." They were claimed to be social misfits:
"Homosexuals don't practice love; 1.1s can't. Their relationships consist of: 1) brief, sordid and impersonal meetings or 2) longer arrangements punctuated by dramatic tirades, discords, jealousies and frequent infidelity. It could hardly be otherwise since the tone is made up of suspicion and hate, producing a darling sweetness interspersed with petty peevishness. Their "love" turns to deep contempt eventually."
"Sexual perversion, a category in which he included homosexuality, was termed "covert hostility" and given a score of 1.1, "the level of the pervert, the hypocrite, the turncoat, ... the subversive." Such people were "skulking coward[s] who yet contains enough perfidious energy to strike back, but not enough courage ever to give warning."
"In Hubbard's 1951 book Handbook for Preclears, he set out instructions for Dianeticists to "cure" homosexuality. After claiming that the cause of homosexuality was a fixation on a dominant parent of the opposite sex, he advised: "Break this life continuum concept by running sympathy and grief for the dominant parent and then run off the desires to be an effect and their failures and the homosexual is rehabilitated."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientology_and_Homosexuality
__________________________________________________It's horrible, harsh and abrasive, but I can't deny the truth of the matter in my own case. I think the cure for much of my mental suffering lies in the path he describes.
Q
poster:Quintal
thread:743844
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070322/msgs/743844.html