Posted by Lindenblüte on November 11, 2006, at 15:16:36
In reply to Re: What I meant, posted by corafree on November 11, 2006, at 14:57:23
hi Cora,
it's funny- when people pat me on the back or the shoulder or something and I startle or shirk, I am usually so uncomfortable that to put it in WORDS would be pretty mortifying. Oh- sorry about that, it's not that I don't like you (uncle, violin teacher, friend, stranger, coworker) it's just that I have personal space issues and you surprised me...It ranges from inconvenient- on a crowded train I will have to bump against someone; to downright sickening- at a bar, a drunk guy will get gropey before he even introduces himself. In such situations I react instinctively by shoving him away.
I DO feel bad when I react this way to someone who is a close friend, but the truth is that it makes me feel bad either way -
damned if you do (tell them you don't like to be touched- so easily misinterpreted as "I'm a crazy freak" "I don't trust you enough to touch my precious shoulder" "you are scaring me" etc.
damned if you don't (grin and bear a shoulder pat and it may give the patter positive reinforcement, and make me feel very uncomfortable at having to pretend with a close friend)
ugh.
where's my invisibility cloak?
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:701626
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20061106/msgs/702610.html