Posted by gardenergirl on September 19, 2006, at 12:05:08
In reply to Re: To everyone, posted by rjlockhart on September 19, 2006, at 1:38:13
Hi Matt,
>
> Family members.....i get scared off, i go away because i feel ashamed like someone who doesnt know how to take it, i avoid my family sometimes and i hate it, why am i like this?You know, sometimes that's exactly the right way to deal with family. Sometimes that's what you need to do to protect yourself and to cope. I know that we're "supposed to" love our family, and we "shouldn't" avoid them. I struggle with feeling guilty about that at times, too. But you also have to do what's best for you, and that may be spending time away. That might be the best way to take care of yourself if you find it helps.
> I need to really come clean, i have trouble communicating with people, conversing, relating, i avoid it, i try to say something really fast to get it over with, which makes me look not intresting.....My husband has similar troubles in social situations. He says he feels tongue-tied and doesn't know what to say, even with general small talk. He tends to say very little and avoids social interaction if he's feeling particularly stumped. Even deciding to say, "What's new?" to our neighbor required a great deal of thinking on his part, trying to figure out what the right thing to say would be. For others who are more comfortable with socializing, not being able to easily come up with "What's new?" might be really hard to understand. And so that may be why others might not stick with a conversation with you and/or my husband.
My husband is really smart, though. He does have great things to say, but he worries a great deal about saying exactly the right thing and not looking foolish. That really gets in his way. He's learned to ask questions of others about themselves or their interests to get them talking. That way he's conversing with someone, but the burden of coming up with what to say is less on him.
> how do you learn to be the dominant one in the converstation? do you lead the pack about what intrests,I think that balancing this out is not an easy skill. There are natural leaders and followers in social interactions. I don't think it's necessary to have to be the dominant talker to interact with others. In fact, if someone dominates conversations too much, others might lose interest or feel that they are less interested in them, whether that's true or not.
Take care,
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:686064
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060911/msgs/687403.html