Posted by Racer on September 16, 2006, at 0:39:10
In reply to What is wrong with me socially?, posted by rjlockhart on September 14, 2006, at 21:41:44
> I'm distant to people in converstation, going up and talking. I rather just be to myself, why is this this way i hate it, i could just god.
First of all, Matt, you seem awfully upset by this. If you could find a way to calm yourself a bit, that would help you.
One thing I notice is that you say you'd "Rather be by yourself," but if that were really the case, you wouldn't be bothered by not having more practiced social skills. Right? I think what you're experiencing is being more comfortable by yourself, less threatened, less anxious. Starting off by stating the problem more accurately may help you. Don't ever underestimate the power of words.
Next, what I said before is still true: it takes practice. The only way you're going to learn to feel more comfortable interacting with others is to DO IT MORE. So, the question becomes how? Sure, you could go to big popular parties, and try to hang out with the BMOC and Hot Chicks, but you know what? Baby steps, in this as in so much else in life. Don't set yourself up that way.
So, how can you find a safe way to learn to be easier with other people? Start off in situations that are clearly limited. Chat a bit with the checker in the supermarket as you check out. When Checker says, "How are you today?" you can answer -- "Oh, I'm just peachy keen -- I love this weather, don't you?" Or maybe, "well, I used to be better, when My Team was winning..." Whatever.
Ask for help at the computer store, and chat a bit with the salesperson while he/she is helping you choose what you want. Just -- most people working registers are willing to chat with patrons. Take advantage of that fact, to learn to chat with strangers.
Then, find a way to get into a social situation centered on something else -- volunteer, or form a study group if you're in school. Go work out at the Y. Do something that involves a group of people with common interests.
It may be hard at first, Matt, but if you're serious about getting better at this, you CAN do it. It's just gonna take commitment on your part. Keep going, even when it's hard, because it gets easier every single time you do it.
>
> What kind of therpist should i talk to?
>
> MattYou should see a therapist. Period. That's the best thing you can do for yourself. Don't worry so much about modalities, Matt -- worry about a good fit between you and your T.
Good luck.
poster:Racer
thread:686064
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060911/msgs/686422.html