Posted by TexasChic on February 17, 2006, at 19:57:46
In reply to Re: It's Been a Long Strange Trip *Trigger* » TexasChic, posted by Joan797 on February 16, 2006, at 22:00:46
Sorry I didn't respond until now. I have to get up at 4am for work, so I was barely awake when I was typing that post to you. But it struck a cord with me and I had to respond.
I will babblemail you if you like, or you can babblemail me. But in my opinion the #1 thing you need to do is see a therapist who will be able to advise you.
I know it seems impossible to find the time, but this should be your main priority. You will be no good to your father if you go on like you have been. I don't know how to put it into words, but I've been there, and I know this. If you want to be able to care for him, you HAVE to take care of yourself. I know it seems selfish when he needs you every minute of the day, but you've got to look at the big picture. If you have a breakdown or something, then you won't be able to help him at all! So even though it seems selfish, your number one priority should be YOU right now. Its the only way you'll be any good to him.
I was a zombie when I first went to therapy. This was during a period when Grandmother was in excruciating pain from a fall. The doctors said she had broken a small bone in her back, and there was nothing they could do except give her pain medicine while it healed on its own.
During this time, I had to sleep on the couch so I could wake up every 4-6 hours (in spite of work the next day) to give her pain medicine. I would wake up when I heard her moaning. I had my Mom and Aunt staying with her on alternating days while I was at work. Then I would rush home and become full time caregiver again. I didn't even know about home healthcare at that point. I was simply functioning day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. There was simply no room to think about anything else.
The pain medicine eventually caused a bowel blockage, which I didn't know about at first. All I knew was she kept throwing up everything but still was in too much pain not to take the pills. I tried everything I could think of. I talked to the nurses at dialysis on numerous occasions. No one was being helpful at all. I honestly can't remember exactly what happened, I think I finally spoke to one of her doctors who realized how serious the situation was. She had surgery and I had to put her in a nursing home so she could recover. I cried all the way home from that place. Even though I knew it was temporary, I felt like I had dumped her in an old folk's home.
I know what the guilt feels like. When you have too much to bare, its natural to wish for it to end. But you can get help. I know it doesn't sound like just talking to someone will do any good. But my T gave me all sorts of great advice, as well as counseling me on my frame of mind. Its their job to know these things, or at least know how to find out.
I know this is a sad time but YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE MISERABLE! You CAN ease the burden on yourself. Even though I've been there I'm still no professional. If ever there was a time for one, believe me, its now.
Feel free to babblemail me if you need to talk or just let off steam. I try to check my email everyday, but sometimes life keeps me from being entirely consistant on that. I will be watching for your post or babblemail though. Take care.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:610414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060212/msgs/610717.html