Posted by Joan797 on February 16, 2006, at 20:08:09
And it seems that there is no end to the journey. I am emotionally scarred from this terminal illness my Dad has. Emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted.........done with living.
I've gained 20 pounds. I've slit out at least 2 pairs of jeans. I wear sweats or pajamas now all the time. Go nowhere. Don't bathe regularly. Never fix my hair or put on makeup. Sleep when I'm home, the 6 or 7 hours I am home every other night that is. I am a zombie of my former self.
I can't see this ending soon and am mortified of my wishes for it to be so. Euthanasia has gotten a bad rap actually in my book.
Bodily functions are no longer controlled.
Demands are prevalent. Slavery abounds. That's what children are for after all. To do, to obey, to provide....to to to to what???
Dememtia has set in with him, and although it provides some comic relief every now and then, it is also tremendously disturbing to watch, and creates a huge fear in me that it will eventually turn violent.
This is a very depressing post. And for some unknown reason I want someone to read it and feel sorry for me and somehow make me feel better in the process.
Forgive me for my ramblings. I do believe the "crazies" are catching. Oh, wait, I was already crazy. Hmmm. Rotund crazy now.
Joan
poster:Joan797
thread:610414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060212/msgs/610414.html