Posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 21:43:33
In reply to Re: Need to understand triggers and suicide » Deneb, posted by Nickengland on October 13, 2005, at 21:20:37
I'm not joking about suicide Nickengland, I'm not sure how that relates to what I'm asking about now.
Sometimes when I joke about suicide, I'm actually thinking about it a lot in a sort of serious way. Would people prefer that I say that I want to kill myself??
I *like* thinking about suicide. I still *like* to read posts in certain unspeakable newsgroups. I've gotten out of the habit of doing so, but I can still see myself wanting to read them.
When I feel like I don't belong here, I go to that newsgroup. I feel like I always belong there. People there don't judge me for wanting to kill myself. They support my decision.
I would like to buy a certain something so that I know I can escape life if worst comes to worst and I can't handle things. It *comforts* me.
I don't know how I would feel if someone here were to die. I've never really experienced losing someone before. I think I'll be upset.
Argh, am I thinking straight? I find myself getting a little angry because it feels like people are saying it is not OK for me to kill myself. I feel like saying, "I'll kill myself if I want to!" I want to show people I can do it, that I'm not kidding.
I hate my life. I can never escape this. I'm going to kill myself one day, I just know it. I can't handle life. I'm not prepared for life. I don't want to live my life. I don't care anymore. Kill me people, kill me!
poster:Deneb
thread:566599
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051007/msgs/566629.html