Posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 22:04:52
In reply to Frustrated ********Trigger*************, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 21:43:33
> I *like* thinking about suicide. I still *like* to read posts in certain unspeakable newsgroups. I've gotten out of the habit of doing so, but I can still see myself wanting to read them.
i wonder why?
here might be the answer:
> When I feel like I don't belong here, I go to that newsgroup. I feel like I always belong there.i think what you might be looking for...
is people to validate that when things are really very hard for you THINGS ARE REALLY VERY HARD. and that at those times it is UNDERSTANDABLE that you would want to DO ANYTHING TO MAKE IT STOP and that suicide is supposed to be a way where it stops. all those bad feelings. i don't think you want to die... i think what you want most is to feel accepted and happy but sometimes you don't feel that way... and you start thinking that suicide is better than life. And... i think it is better than pain and the way things are when things are horrible. if life was like that all the time i understand why someone would kill themself.but...
in your case. things are not always like that. you do have the capacity to feel happy and enjoy others company and feel a sense of connection with them. and i think... that is what you most want.
and suicide rules that out.
you don't have the pain
but you don't have the happiness either.> People there don't judge me for wanting to kill myself. They support my decision.
i don't judge you.
i feel like i want to kill myself a lot too...
but i DO NOT support your decision. because i believe in you and i believe you are capable of having a life worth living. a life where you are happy and a life where you help other people to be happy too.
and if people support your decision...
if they know how you go up and down and they still support your decision...
then they aren't your friends deneb.
because your friends would want you to be happy...
not dead.
> I would like to buy a certain something so that I know I can escape life if worst comes to worst and I can't handle things. It *comforts* me.i think there are other ways...
other things you can do to remind yourself that you CAN handle things. other things you can do to comfort yourself.
> Argh, am I thinking straight? I find myself getting a little angry because it feels like people are saying it is not OK for me to kill myself. I feel like saying, "I'll kill myself if I want to!" I want to show people I can do it, that I'm not kidding.i know you aren't kidding.
i know you will kill yourself if you want to...
but what i'm afraid of is that you will kill yourself because you believe it is the only way to stop your pain...
when i really do also believe that your pain will pass and then you will be happy to be alive again.
i want to help you get through
i want to see you build a life worth living
i don't want you to have these horrible episodes anymore where things don't seem worth iti know you just want it to stop
(((((Deneb)))))
> I hate my life. I can never escape this.
it passes.. really. it does pass. you need to believe that and have a little faith. it has always passed before. always. have faith that it will pass this time too....
poster:alexandra_k
thread:566599
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051007/msgs/566638.html