Posted by alexandra_k on July 24, 2005, at 18:32:59
In reply to Re: Preparing for the worst » alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on July 23, 2005, at 19:07:43
> Well, it doesn't really matter what you or I think...it's kind of all up to the docs.
Yeah, thats right. But it is good for you to know that there are many many different types of medication out there that could potentially benefit you. Not make it all magically better. But to give you a hand so you are better able to cope.
> Perhaps I'm not really as disordered as I seem to think...maybe that is why I don't need mood stabilizers or antipsychotics. :-)Sometimes you don't seem disordered at all. You function really well and seem to feel pretty good.
Other times you do seem a bit disordered with the intense distress / suicidal ruminations / paranoid thoughts. You have episodes of unwellness. Every now and then. Between them you do really well. So... its not that you are so very disordered, and its not that you are perfectly fine and there is nothing wrong with you. Rather... the truth lies in the middle: most of the time you do really well, but sometimes (during one of your episodes) you really struggle. It is about being better able to prevent / minimise / manage / cope with those episodes.
> it seems so strange to ask for help when one is well!Yeah. Thats where you need to tell them about your episodes. How terrifying they are to you. How you do / say things you later come to regret. How PAINFUL they are. That you want to learn to manage them better so that they don't prevent you from living the kind of life you want for yourself.
>I don't think anyone would believe how crazy I can get when they only see the happy (but not *too* happy) me.
Yeah. You could print out some of your posts.
>It is a drag to have to spend good days preparing for the bad.
Yes it is :-(
>It's also very difficult to realize just how bad my bad days can get...it is like I don't really remember them.
Yeah. State dependent memory. You are better able to remember things that you acquired when you were in a similar emotional state to the one you are in when you are trying to do the remembering. It is like when you are well you remember all those good memories and everything seems fine. You can't remember what the problem was and the last thing you want to do is try and drag that up. Especially if dragging it up involves you getting back into that emotional state.. When you are feeling really bad then you tend to remember all the other times you have felt that way. That seems to be an accurate recollection of your whole life. They good times are forgotten. All that is there are those horrid times and suicide starts to look appealing.
It is about being able to access those memories more freely. The good memories when one is feeling bad. And... the other side to that... the bad memories when one is feeling good. Then the episodes won't be anywhere near as intense or long lived. Thats how I get through sometimes 'It won't always be like this. It will pass in a couple days'. And I try to remember the good memories. Is is so hard. Probably the hardest thing in the world for me.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:531099
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050719/msgs/532922.html