Posted by Larry Hoover on June 10, 2005, at 12:06:33
In reply to Thanks for support--update--it's even worse, posted by gardenergirl on June 10, 2005, at 0:14:05
> So, here's the thing. He did it on purpose.
>
> Let me say that again. He did it ON PURPOSE!
>
> Holy crap. I still don't quite believe it. He admitted it. Poor dear. Seems payback is a bitch, it seems. On his birthday, I was in a deep depression. I got him a lovely gift, but I just couldn't handle the dinner, so we did it another night.
>> I think we have a long and hard row to hoe here. I've been struggling with why I can't let myself let him in, in a number of ways. I know it's not realistic to believe that someone will never hurt you. But intentional hurt? I've just got to protect myself from that.
Hey, gg. First off, I'm sorry. Those closest to our hearts have the greatest leverage.
{{{{{{{{{{{{gg}}}}}}}}}}}}
I'm a silver-lining sort of guy, though.
Here's what I see. I see two people who love each other very much. And both of them have hurts. Both have inner child needs that haven't been met.
There are options. You can turn it into a blaming war. He shoulda, you shoulda, all that stuff. Nobody wins that.
Or both of you can sit down together and acknowledge how hard it is on each of you, to live through this all, together. I suspect he's feeling loss, a grieving, because he did not (truly, how could he?) know what it meant to marry a depressive. What he did to show you that was childish, but can you see past it?
And he's got to figure out how to accept that you don't do this on purpose. That it's not from bad choices, character defects, or not smiling enough.
I don't think either of you would be so hurt if it (your relationship) didn't matter so much.
I'm just tossing in my impressions. I hope they help.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:510246
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050610/msgs/510560.html