Posted by Larry Hoover on May 15, 2005, at 8:16:25
In reply to Re: If I ever seem suicidal... » alexandra_k, posted by Shy_Girl on May 14, 2005, at 22:13:04
> > I think what I found distressing about your post is that the reader has to read it from a first person point of view.
>
> Hmmm...good point. I really hadn't thought of that. Would it make things better if I said "jenny is feeling..." instead of "I am feeling...?" I'm very sorry to have made you feel uncomfortable in any way. I wasn't really myself last night, but I know that is no excuse. I'm going to try really really hard to not post when I feel badly. Again, I'm extremely sorry for my behaviour. Did I mention I'm not too good at this social thing? :o) I'll do whatever I need to do to not post anything negative ever again...I will get rid of the keyboard if need be. I admire you for being able to exhibit self-control. Starting right now, I will do my very best to not post anything when I'm in despair. thank-you for the insightJenny, if I may interject, as an observer of this dialogue between yourself and Alex......
One key component of protecting Alex, and others who may be triggered by reading what you describe, is to properly notify them of the risk of being triggered, in the subject line of your post.
You did not call your triggering post by that descriptor. You did not use the keyword **Trigger** in your subject line. It is of great importance that you do that.
I don't think that other restrictions on your posting are either necessary, or helpful. I don't think you should censor yourself, or only post when you are well. That is not the point, and it is certainly not helpful to you. Babblers can help you work your way through an episode of suicidal ideation. But you *must* put the trigger warning in your subject lines, because not everyone is in a position to help.
I hope I'm not preaching, but it is exceedingly important that you use your stable periods to plan for the inevitable coming of your future unstable periods. I think you can reasonably expect they're not going to just magically go away.
In your stable periods, you must do everything possible to develop management techniques, to minimize the severity, impact, and frequency of those periods of instability. Medication might be a key element, and counselling.
I used to get episodic suicidal periods. Horrific, is all I really recall. One of the peculiar aspects of my suicidality was that I then believed that no one cared, or that if I did ask for help, I would be wasting people's time. Only when I was coming out of one could I ask for help.....it still mattered, but it wasn't a timely intervention.
What I developed, with the help of my counsellor, was a written plan of action. I couldn't think it through clearly *while* I was suicidal, so I thought it through before-hand. I had a wallet card printed up, with numbered actions to take. It may be a coincidence, but I broke the cycle when I started intervening in my suicidal episodes, in real time. "Item 1: Go to emergency room. Item 2: If unable to travel, call 911." And so on.
I have not returned to those suicidal cycles since developing a rational self-help plan. That plan was developed during my stable periods, ahead of needing it (again).
Best,
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:497587
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050513/msgs/497979.html