Posted by alesta on May 6, 2005, at 0:20:47
i am thinking about suicide a lot lately, and started planning mine tonite..i haven't wanted to mention it here..i feel like it is taboo, even here, potentially, to talk about, which is an unfortunate thing for people. talking about it could help prevent many suicides probably. so, i'm discussing it. i feel hopeless..and i feel like the only person left that was nice to me treats me like sh*t, too. like i never even knew them. i was already suicidal, though, before that...there's so much that's wrong with my life and will always be..
i have suffered for decades..i would never commit suicide without a long, hard, fight, to the limit, the very edge. but now i think i'm there. having the idea in my mind soothes me now. i am just not even myself anymore.
i don't post this so that i'll receive a lot of posts with ppl feeling like they have to say it'll be okay and everything..i don't want to do that to you people. i just need to say this. i think i just had to tell anyone here who reads this that i'm deciding to leave. to have someone know of my desperation. just to have that known. so i don't feel so alone.
i don't want to post here anymore because i have nothing positive or fun to offer anymore..i am just a shadow of my former self..and a melancholy one at that. i don't want to bring everyone down.
lol, even now i worry that this post sounds bland (the way i feel) and will bore the $%$ out of you guys :)..how ridiculous i am.
i have truly lost it..i am not insane or crazy. just finally had enough of the cards life has dealt me. i am in serious pain, and just want it to go away..
sorry for burdening the board with this post. you people on this board have helped me through so much.:) and made my life a little more liveable for a while.
amy
poster:alesta
thread:494331
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/494331.html