Posted by Larry Hoover on April 9, 2005, at 10:46:05
In reply to Re: please be civil » deer shadow, posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2005, at 2:15:59
> > that site and all its petty contoversies
>
> Please be sensitive to the feelings of others and don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.deer shadow, there is a rule here that you not label others.....that's the simplest way to put it.
By using the adjective "petty", you have labelled the behaviour, and it could be felt as a put down.
Instead, we promote I-statements. Speaking of our own self, e.g. "I was frustrated with the topic of their arguments, not staying on point.....", or simply saying "that site and all its controversies", leaving out the adjective.
By receiving what we call a PBC (Please Be Civil), you are "on notice" that a similar post might receive a block. You can also get a Please Rephrase, which is a milder form of PBC.
You may want to find a "civility buddy", somebody you know on the board who can help you by checking your posts before you post them, if they involve emotional content in the interaction with others.
Also, apologies go a long way. You can't edit your posts here, but if you realize you've made a mistake, or become uncivil, you can apologize or restate what you said earlier.
It's a little challenging, sometimes, to phrase things in such a way that you're not being judgmental. But, it's a really good skill to have, in real life. I've certainly put it to good use, myself.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:478484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050408/msgs/481966.html