Posted by partlycloudy on February 10, 2005, at 15:16:34
In reply to Re: I'm not done whining yet. » partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on February 10, 2005, at 13:58:28
I'm to report back to the p-doc with my record of blood pressure readings, with her plan to have me go back on Cymbalta very slowly. I wish I didn't have to pretend everything is okey-dokey while I'm ripped up so much inside. I don't know why, but my p-doc has not wanted to put me on a mood stabilizer; she says the anger is a symptom of my depression. I think it's a symptom that I'm angry!!!! - but even while I rage at that windmill I see not only my futility but the emptiness of the anger. There is no substance behind it. Except for the road rage, of course. It's high tourist season here, so we get all the out-of-towners driving 25 mph in the passing lane. I see 2 or 3 accidents every day, and I take no highway routes, just the slow and scenic roads that the tourists take.
I don't know - it feels like I swing from melancholy to anger quickly and often, with not much time spent being neutral (never mind happy - that doesn't seem like a possibility right now). I really did pour my heart out to the p-doc, about all the family upsets and physical worries I have right now. I do trust her assessment that my GAD makes this all feel much worse. I'm just heartsick at not finding some equilibrium in my emotional life, and not being able to rely on medication to stave the Blue Meanies off while I work on it.
I figure it will either be a very long visit with my T tonight, or a short one with me storming out and looking to find another therapist. We'll see.
poster:partlycloudy
thread:455904
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050205/msgs/455945.html