Posted by partlycloudy on February 10, 2005, at 13:36:11
I am not happy. Having another spectacularly poopy day. Had to stop taking Cymbalta cold turkey on Tuesday as my blood pressure went dangerously high and stayed high at a 60mg dose. Now my BP is low-normal. It's the *only* normal thing about me now. I had a terrific case of road rage this morning, yelled at my poor husband for not having made enough coffee so I could have a travel cup while I screamed at the drivers on the road.
Cried in the car. Thought about the collection of tried and rejected antidepressants in the cupboard at home. Nothing works without making me sick in other ways. What happens when you run out of drugs to try... that does not bear thinking about seriously, but it is discouraging to see all those bottles, all those pills, and know that they have not been able to help.
Angry with everyone at work today - for no reason. It's hard to keep it inside, even when you know you're being a jerk. I think they can see the black cloud hanging over my head, as people also notice the grimness in my face and walk quickly by my desk. No doubt afraid of another waterfall of tears.
I can't stand being unmedicated for just 2 days. It is difficult to realize how nasty I am. The ball of anger is hard in my chest. Is all this meant to come out of me? Is this what the medication has been doing - subduing my senseless rage? I'm a hateful, hating person and most of all, I hate who I am.
I wish I was home. I wish I make this day go away. I do not like this version of partlycloudy - no wonder i have no friends.
black, bleak, hurt, sad, angry.
poster:partlycloudy
thread:455904
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050205/msgs/455904.html