Posted by Angel Girl on January 28, 2005, at 13:50:38
In reply to At the moment » Angel Girl, posted by Dinah on January 28, 2005, at 3:08:24
> I try to listen to those who tell me I'm not thinking straight. Since many of those who tell me that are people I trust.
Dinah
Thanks for your input. I was just beginning to do that because I'm told often that my perception of myself is very distorted, as well as my perception of what others think about me. It's hard to think otherwise. It's hard to understand that someone else can actually like me when I HATE myself so much. I extremely hurt somebody yesterday without intending to do so. I felt so bad because I would never want to hurt this person, they have been so good to me. It killed me to hear how much they were hurt by me. I immediately plunged into the dark abyss. I am extremely fragile right now since that all happened, and I have to wonder if I'll ever be any different. Will I always hurt people even though that is the last thing that I would ever want to do to anyone? Sometimes I feel that I am meant to be alone but then if someone I care so deeply about walks away from me because I've hurt them, even unintentionally, I can't handle it but I deserve all the pain that I then feel as a result of my initial actions. It was my fault to begin with and they were/are the innocent party. Even if they forgive me, it is almost impossible for me to forgive myself. I can't even put into words how painful it is to me to know that I've hurt someone even though it was unintentional. I deserve whatever backlash that is shown to me.
AG
poster:Angel Girl
thread:449000
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050128/msgs/449221.html