Posted by Shortelise on January 28, 2005, at 1:26:20
In reply to Re: No, but » Shortelise, posted by smokeymadison on January 24, 2005, at 13:58:59
Sorry, I get lost around here, lose posts - I missed this one.
In a way, I wish I'd never figured out that I am a borderline. My T would never had given me this diagnoses, and said it is writtne no where, NO WHERE in my file. But when I told him I'd figured it out, and he never said, ShortE, that is not you, that is not you at all. He said no one is any of the things in the DSM, but we're all a combination of many things. He said that. And I believed him, or I believe him, or most of the time I believe him.
Still, it was like a nightmare for a while - it wouldn't leave me alone.
You see, once a long time ago, a friend who is a therapist unwisely said that a mutual acquiantance of ours was a borderline. She said it with such, not horror, not disdain but, well, as if being a borderline was an awful thing. I didn't know what it meant, and didn't ask.
A few years ago, reading a book called "Necessary Losses" by Judith Viorst (and I highly recommend it) I read soemthing about borderline, thought to myself, hm, and looked it up. There was a photo of me. (Joke. Bad joke)
My T and I talked about it.
Y'know, I guess I just avoid it. It doesn't do me any good to go there, to think about myself as a completely gonzo ginko, so I try not to think about it. I do not advise avoiding things, as it would be Very Bad Advice. But it keeps me from staying on a first name basis with the dust bunnies under my bed.
In a way, Smokey, I think therapy has helped me separate the wheat from the chaff: I will worry about the manure in this pile here, and this one over here, ah, tripe and tarnation, I think I'll just let this pile go. If it wants to come back and bite me on the posterior of my posterior later, well, let it - I'll deal with it then.
But yes, labels, ugh, nasty stuff. At the moment I am stuck on being a plump middle aged woman. For some reason, I can't just be ShortE. Every time I looked in the mirror, plump middle aged woman screams in my head. Ugly, plump middle aged woman some days.
But I refuse to get discouraged. If I could get the bellowing "Borderline" out of my head, and I did, then maybe this too will pass.
I hope your session went well on Tuesday.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:446358
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050123/msgs/449027.html