Posted by Atticus on January 24, 2005, at 12:25:52
In reply to Re: do you define yourself by your disorder(s)? » Atticus, posted by smokeymadison on January 23, 2005, at 23:01:28
As the survivor of a suicide attempt that came close to succeeding, I find trying to achieve some kind of mental compartmentalization between the parts of me that existed pre-illness and the behaviors that now exist mid-illness is helpful. It's almost like trying to step back and analyze whether something I've just said or done is socially inappropriate and then see if it connects more logically to my natural personality or to symptoms of the condition. Usually, it's a bit of a tangle, but I am working very hard to get better at this. The bottom line for me, I think, is to conceive of myself as a person who happens to have an illness that causes problems sometimes. I tend to use the analogy to diabetes a great deal: diabetes doesn't go away (like my bipolar disorder), it needs to be monitored and controlled with meds (like my bipolar disorder), and it doesn't have to rule a person's life (like my bipolar disorder). Yes, it's quite disruptive at times (I just came off a two-month medical disability leave from work), but there's more to me than that. It doesn't stop my writing (most of the time) and I make every effort to confront and if possible overcome the perceptions that I hold that are distortions caused by the illness and therefore not rational. It's not easy, but I have this image I've created where my gravestone reads: "Atticus. He was bipolar." I don't want that to be my legacy, the primary way that people remember me. Atticus
poster:Atticus
thread:446358
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050123/msgs/446796.html