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Re: thanksgiving w/ the inlaws: what to do? » smokeymadison

Posted by fi on November 23, 2004, at 12:01:01

In reply to Re: thanksgiving w/ the inlaws: what to do?, posted by smokeymadison on November 22, 2004, at 18:14:44

Some good points in previous posts eg Pegasus.
You can get married v cheaply, if you dont have a big fussy wedding and reception? I've got friends who have had weddings they really enjoyed. They chose something small and informal as they wanted it, not as they wanted to save money. The couples wore something smart that they liked, and that they had already. 'Guests' were a few good friends (say half a dozen max). Then afterwards, all of them had a jolly couple of hours in the pub or having a meal (first drink on the couple, then everyone paying for themselves).

So the cost was only for the license and basic procedure/service (dont know what that is in US, but cant be lots?), then for a few drinks, and a meal for 2. They had a wonderful time. No parents were there- that is optional as they may be angry/upset, but it sure makes for a relaxed time!

So if its being married that you want, rather than a fancy wedding, you dont need to 'be held to ransom' by the in-laws. And if you pretend now, then there will be pressure on you to continue after the wedding. Which is unrealistic and exhausting.

How does your boyfriend feel about all this? He's the one that matters. Presumably, he loves you as you are. You dont need your in-laws to pay for your wedding. Dont let yourself feel they have any power over you, now or in the future. They dont unless you give it to them?

I have said I have flu to explain why I havent gone to visit my (frail elderly) parents. They dont know I have had loads of bouts of depression.

Flu would be better in that you wouldnt have to go at all. Migraine while you are there is better than nothing, but means you get them fussing and there is the pressure of choosing when to do it and having to pretend.

And I know with Christmas here, 'normal' people are often exhausted after the meal too. The 'tradition' is often to watch some TV soon after (with many adults dozing off). It is perfectly sane to say after the meal that you have enjoyed it, and are now tired and are off for a snooze/to read a book/for a walk (with your boyfriend?) and will look forward to seeing them later. That might be easier than faking a migraine. And if having a break after lunch means you are totally insane, they have a big problem!!

I dont know about travel in the US at thanksgiving, but cant you do something like go the day before and go back home the day after? Wed-Sat even sounds a long time...

Take care and dont try too hard.

Fi


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