Posted by saw on November 18, 2004, at 2:00:27
In reply to Sleeping and Tired and Hating Myself, posted by Soulnik on November 17, 2004, at 20:49:17
Oh boy, I have felt like this more times than I care to remember. It is very overwhelming. And yes, so very tiring. I never fail to feel that I should be doing more, or that I should accomplish more. I am way too hard on myself and find it very, very difficult to lighten up about my self worth, or lack of.
I think what I want to say though, is that when I admitted to myself that I am ill and that it is ok to be ill, I started feeling a little bit less guilty about all the things I *should* or *could* be doing but am not.
Very recently (in the last couple of weeks) and with the help of babble, I have decided that even if I can't repair my very broken self esteem and image, I will at least try not to say such unkind things to myself. Of course I am going to believe all the insults I tell myself so it might be better not to say them at all. I am finding it quite a bit harder not to think them though. But I'm trying, and that is really all I can do. Because of this, I think, somehow, and I am afraid to say it too loudly (for fear of failing, what else?) I am feeling a little better about myself.
<< don't want to die forever - just temporarily - until I don't have to feel this way anymore.>>What an intriguing comment. Every time I have been suicidal or have had suicidal ideations, I have thought I don't want it to be permanent, but peace, please, just give me peace. I understand this feeling you are feeling so well.
Your post has touched me deeply. I could have written it myself. I feel for you and hope you can try to be good to yourself. Start with the easiest and smallest thing. Like holding your favourite pillow for awhile. I hope I don't sound trite or simple, because I know how hard it is and I do indulge in such self destructive behaviour that even I get alarmed.
Please know that you are not alone. We are all here for you.
Sabrina
poster:saw
thread:417200
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041114/msgs/417290.html