What does this mean? (possible trigger)

Posted by saw on October 26, 2004, at 2:57:11

As i was sorting my meds into correct decreasing doses, I began fantasizing about how much would be a fatal dose. I often think about how many pills I would have to take to just close my eyes and go to sleep.
I have also thought once or twice about my husband's gun and blood on the wall.
I am not suicidal, yet I think about it a lot. I don't understand. I love my husband and son too much to die but I CANNOT help but think about the peace and quiet that death would bring. I don't have to be thin, or a better person, I don't have to drink if I'm dead. I am terrified of dying but fantasize about suicide. What is going with me?
I'm sorry. I feel miserable. Happy and miserable.
Sabrina

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What does this mean? (possible trigger) saw 10/26/04
Re: What does this mean? (possible trigger) » saw partlycloudy 10/26/04
Re: What does this mean? (possible trigger) Miss Honeychurch 10/26/04
Re: What does this mean? (possible trigger) Jai Narayan 10/26/04
Re: What does this mean? (possible trigger) rubenstein 10/26/04
Re: What does this mean? (possible trigger) trucker 10/27/04
Re: What does this mean? (possible trigger) trucker 10/27/04
Re: What does this mean? (possible trigger) » trucker saw 10/28/04
Re: What does this mean? (possible trigger) » saw Fi 10/28/04

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