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That whole weight issue

Posted by saw on October 7, 2004, at 3:11:16

I almost broke down in front of my husband last night. I told him how much my weight gain is torturing me and that I was at the end of my tether. Well, I guess he knows that since he's suffering through my torture. He is agreeing that I should change meds and I am so relieved that he will come with me to the doc.

I also told him that I was feeling afraid and hurt that he doesn't touch me in the way that he used to. He said that it is not because he is feeling less attracted to me but his way of trying to make me less uncomfortable since I always cover up and tend to pull away. I didn't even realise I was pulling away from him. I'm aware that I cover my stomach a lot and if he puts his hand on my stomach I take it off. Then I asked him if he is embarrassed of me. Shame, all the questions we're not supposed to ask! (Like does my bum look big in this?) He handled it very maturely and supportively. Oh yes, and no, he is not embarrassed of me but says that my own embarrassment at myself is becoming evident in public by the way that I "hide" behind him or a big jacket etc.

I cried so much during all of this, the poor man.

Early this morning while still in bed, he put his hand on my stomach and I left it there. He just gently rubbed. I felt so much shame but hid it from him. He doesn't deserve my ugly body any more than I do.

Sabrina


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