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My biggest rant to date.

Posted by partlycloudy on September 30, 2004, at 17:49:21

OK, so I have been having lots of bad days, like a whole bunch of them, like maybe oh I dont know about 45 of them in a row? yeah thats about right. So in the middle of this oasis of badness, I decide with no input whatsoever with anyone, to stop taking my hormone replacement therapy, because i am having migraine headaches about 5 out of 7 days. And I stop taking the hormones and the headaches stop. miracle! I finally won!! Until the next day when I dove into the olympic sized swimming pool of depression. went through preparing for 4 hurricanes in a row, kind of ruined every other weekend.

so my p-doc, my therapist, and my emdr therapist all go, omigosh you better take something because stopping hormone therapy is a really really bad thing. I say what did women do before hormone replacement therapy? and my T says: murder, suicide, ect. So I am recommended to an ARNP who practices in a wellness center.

now forgive me if you are an ardent believer in alternative forms of medicine.

I was um, unprepared for my experience at the appointment. she did an autonomic reflex test on me. what is an autonomic reflex test you may well ask, I can tell you exactly what it is. the practioner places one hand on your BELLYBUTTON. ok so far? on your bellybutton. with the other hand she put a small box of a toxic substance (solvents, or heavy metals, or pesticides) on my chest. in this manner she is able to tell which of my internal organs are poisoned.
ok i have to say that i was completely freaked out at this point. like having a gypsy read your palm,, you feel foolish for having done it in the first place, that you are letting a scary looking person who smells funny touch your hands.
the proposed treatment would cost $3141.00, less 15 percent if i prepaid.
so i go to work with this splitting migraine, no medicine because of course when i had YESTERDAY'S migraine i used what medicine i carried in my purse. i end up putting on my sunglasses and i catch it from every single person who goes by my desk. people asking for my autograph, i could have bit their noses off today.

when the day finally ends i'm driving home and my purse starts ringing, and of course i can't find it feeling blind with one hand without carreening off the side of the road so i let it ring and wait for the next light. i look at it and i think it's my t calling me back about my experience because i left her this message all annoyed and snotty sounding like what were you thinking, you bimbo?. then the phone rings and its my husband who says what in the heck is going on? you answered the phone but you didn't say hi and there was lots of noise. so i say i have to go and call my t because i just missed her call and he says call me later (after he told me i told you so which always makes you feel just so very, i don't know, Special). so i thanked him again for his considered opinion and called the t.

she says, no i wasn't calling you but while we're on the phone let's talk about your experience today, because she was the one who sent me there in the first place and i'm thinking how could i have read my therapist so wrong?? and she sounded really annoyed WITH ME for going through the whole exam process. didn't you tell them you just wanted hormone replacement? and i said yes, but the ARNP said that in order to do that, they would have to assess the entire body because maybe there was something else poisoned in me that needed attention first. so i think my t thinks i am a meek moron, which i am. i could have stopped the exam at any time and said, sorry this is not what i had in mind, and walk away. but no i went through an hour and a half of this dubious diagnostic process, and paid them $125 for the privilege of having a stranger put one hand on my bellybutton and the other hand placing toxins on my chest.

ok. i think i am done now.




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