Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 22, 2004, at 2:22:52
In reply to Re: Very triggering memories and questions-jenstar, posted by karlak13 on August 21, 2004, at 20:32:32
karlak13,
Thank you for sharing your painful history with me. I wish in someways that I could talk to this "thing" of a man and he is dangerous. Oh, he is frightening looking. He really is. He wasn't when I was a child. He was a very handsome man with cold eyes. Now, I tell you I wouldn't be within 10 feet of him. I doubt they way he smokes he has another 10 years on him. He looks what he is. I don't know what all happened to him. I do know that he was born right after a sister died, so the family dynamic was really warped. The other siblings were worked to death on the farm, but he wasn't asked to do anything.
I get really sick of people feeling so sorry for him. If I didn't have therapy, I would have been dead by suicide and no one would have known what was ever wrong with me. I have so many bizarre symptoms it's unreal. I didn't have a clue what was wrong with me when I got married. That's when all the bizarre symptoms started - seeing things moving, feeling jerking, not recognizing my husband,and extreme dizziness. I thought I had some rare neurological disorder or inner ear problem. I did geneology on the family to see if anyone had these crazy symptoms. Looking back, I feel like an idiot. I had no clue. I mean it. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I couldn't have a glass of alcohol or "it" the symptoms would get even worse. I couldn't ride a bike anymore due to the dizziness. I couldn't wear high heels. I shook all the time. I lost 15 pounds. I felt like I was dying. I was barely working. I still have the symptoms, but now I live with them. I don't complain about them. I feel their are a result of the abuse and may be tied to my dissociation. I have never read in any book all my symptoms of dissociation.
They say this man is paranoid schziophrenic. Now, I am no expert on this diagnosis. But, how was it that he carefully planned out drug dosages to use on me and hid what he did. He also would interact with the adults a bit to just chat on this or that. Nothing sounded illogical. But with me, he did mumble odd things. However, NEVER in front of the adults. Now, they say he doesn't talk due to meds, drools and laughs occasionally at people. I don't know. It's odd, but I wonder if he was sociopathy with psychotic tendencies. He worked, drove a car for years, was in the service, graduated from high school.
So, when did he do this sudden change into schziophrenia early 40's. That's not typical, but I guess anything is possible. Something did happen, because he did stop driving and working. I have had some people say it is his guilty conscious that is torturing him. I don't think so. My father told him that I was remembering that he molested me and guess what this strange thing said. He would love to see me again, but he needed to get cleaned up. WHAT!!!!
poster:Shadowplayers721
thread:379276
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040820/msgs/380701.html