Posted by TexasChic on June 24, 2004, at 8:34:03
Okay, I'd been noticing my friend at work seemed to be avoiding me. This is the friend that I'm always paranoid is mad at me, and usually isn't. So I tried to just ignore it and go with the flow. Then yesterday a group of us were outside talking and I asked her a question and she kind of went off on me saying, "What difference does that make?!" in a very angry voice and in front of everybody. So I was like, okay, I don't care if she's mad or not, that was just rude, mean, and imbarrassing.
So I just tried to stay away from her for the rest of the day, and the longer this went on, the madder I got. Then, when I asked her where some of my work was, she replied, oh I did it because you were busy. This has been a big rift between us for a long time. Basically, we're supposed to split the work between us, but instead she does the work so fast, that before I know it, its all done and she's done twice as much as me. Then she gets mad that she's doing more work than I am. I have tried and tried to work on this with her, making many suggestions like spliting the work down the middle from the beginning. But she will never work with me on it. Its as if she doesn't think the job will get done if she doesn't do it herself.
By the end of the day, our boss took each of us separately into her office. She said she could tell there was something going on and wanted to know what it was. I told her about what was going on, and how I have been trying really hard to fix it for months now. She asked why I didn't say something to her about it before, and I truthfully told her that she shows such preferential treatment to my friend, that I didn't think she would believe me. I also told her I didn't feel that either she or my friend had any respect for me or my work. I also told her how I felt that since my friend has a higher title than me, it felt as if they expected her to be my boss now, and I felt we should be equal. She told me all of that wasn't true (and that the only boss was her) and we ended up having a good talk. I now feel much better about my boss then I have since I started this job. She said she would implement all my suggestions, and was very supportive.
The thing now is there is still the rift between me and my friend. I think the things I suggested will solve the problem, but now I don't know how to fix things with her. The thing is, I'm not going to take the blame this time like I always do. I'm tired of it, and I don't want her to think its okay to treat me the way she did. But I would hate to lose our friendship, even though its been going downhill ever since she got back together with her boyfriend (and the two of us can't stand each other). I just never know where the line is between taking up for yourself by being assertive, and just being stubborn.
Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks if you managed to read this far.
poster:TexasChic
thread:359724
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040619/msgs/359724.html