Posted by Racer on June 23, 2004, at 0:48:06
In reply to Re: Self Centered » littlep24, posted by daisym on June 23, 2004, at 0:00:54
This is something I know I struggle with a lot, and I'll bet you and I are not alone in it. I often find myself apologizing to my husband for being unable to be "there" for him over the past {{gulp}} year or so, despite his telling me over and over again that he can cope -- as long as I'm still here. (I do feel particularly bad about this, by the way. A real Hot Button topic for me.)
Here's part of the conclusion I've come to over the years about this very subject: I think that, at least in my case, being "self-centered" was a weapon used against me so much during my childhood -- a time when it is *appropriate* to be self-centered -- that I internalized that criticism very deeply, and have a much easier time using it against myself than accurately assessing how true it is from a more objective perspective. Now, I'm offering it to you only as something that I currently believe to be part of the phenomenon for me, not as anything like Truth. With that disclaimer, I'd bet that if you were able to get any sort of statistical analysis of your situation, you'd find that things aren't nearly as uneven as they may feel to you right now.
(And any sort of severe injury or disease will cause you to focus on yourself. Depression is not a special case in that regard. Some years ago, my mother became very, very sick -- very, very suddenly. Thankfully, I happened to see her that day, and was able to convince her to let me take her to the ER. It saved her life -- and don't ever think you can comprehend just how grateful I am for the particular circumstances that allowed that to happen. The following day, I got to the hospital a little past 6:30AM, and stayed with her until almost midnight. For months afterwards, I was devasted by her resentment at me for "not being there when she was sick." Then, one day, she asked me what happened to her. I told her everything I could remember, timeline style -- hey, I know my mother -- and at the end, she asked me how I knew all of it? I told her I was there through the entire thing, and she was shocked. She really and truly and literally was not aware that I had been there at all. As far as she could recall, I had taken her to the ER and gone away. No wonder she felt resentful, huh?)
poster:Racer
thread:359244
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040619/msgs/359273.html